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Welcome. Whether you fancy yourself a Dominant or submissive,Mistress, Master or slave, Daddy or boy / boi, Top or bottom, the journey of a thousand miles has to start somewhere. For some this is the first exposure. For others this is one of a myriad of sites on the subject. Still others come to (or come back to) this Lifestyle after journeys of abuse or neglect or times of quiet introspection. Welcome and welcome back. There are so many things to share. Maybe you are excited about finally meeting someone who seems so right, so like minded. You'd not be the first. And those who came before you have carved out some very solid and reasonable rules of the road. Here is an interesting article that serves as an introduction. http://newmedia.jrn.columbia.edu/2004/issue1/story3/erotic.html Please be sure you read Safety Rules For First Meetings before you go too far. The more "right" your prospective partner seems, the less these safety steps should interfere with your successful meeting. Lest you not think that Bad things happen all the time to good people, take a few moments and read about "Slavemaster" and the ladies who ended up in 55 gallon drums not too long ago for not being cautious or knowing and employing safe meeting protocols. More details separating the urban legend from the facts can be found on this urban legends site. There are lots of folks out there, with their own reasons for doing this stuff and not all are safe or healthy. The point is; exploring D/s and BDSM can be done sensibly even as it seems so far out on the edge. There has even been a Safe Call Network, though it appears to be a dead link of late. If you don't have anyone to confide in about all this, then perhaps you should rethink it. Okay maybe you're no where near ready to meet anyone. Perhaps you already have a partner to explore all this with. Learning about safe WORDS and SIGNALS would still do you well. Learning to negotiate your involvement is important on both sides of the Power exchange. It can save a lot of hurt feelings and distrust to be clear about what you will and will not be open to trying the first few times you explore. Go slow. If you are new to this it is an exciting time in your life. Read. Meet other like minded people. Find out what the mainstream of this community stands for before you style your own niche in it all. Safe Sane Consensual is good reading to understand how this works for some folks. I would also urge you to visit our Books and Reading Link for some mainstream reading suggestions. A word or two about service and submission. Submission is an allowance "granted" to another person deemed capable of leading. Such exchanges are about building trust and that takes time. My best quote on this is "Learning to trust, requires a calculated risk... Do the math carefully." Evil Knievel the daredevil who measured the Snake River Canyon with his jet bike for months, didn't quite make it over the canyon. Not everyone who wears a Dom hat is compatible with everyone who has the yearning to serve, please, and submit. If a Dominant "wants it all now" and doesn't hear your need to go at a certain pace... is that Dominant really in touch and prepared to control much of anything? When you agree to something as a submissive it's a good idea to try to keep your word as best you can, but that doesn't mean you have to do anything you haven't agreed to or haven't specifically negotiated "just because he is Tarzan and you are Jane." (My apology for the gender bias here). By the same token Doms, if the submissive will "do anything to please Master" be wary that you aren't being set up. The "doormat" submissive is often the one who will cry "foul" at a later date. Be clear about what you are both willing to try and be prepared to adjust even as you move forward. Contracts, even short termed ones, can be helpful. Explore the rest of these links and move on to the Real Life Pages as you grow. Best to you in your journey. - Sir Malo & company Safe Sane Consensual What it is? The first thing you should know. The submissive's Bill of Rights Safe Calls and Safe Meetings Frequently Asked Questions HIV & STD Safety Negotiations A Must! MASTER ANNE on BDSM Organizations Gorean Slave Positions | More Gorean Positions. D/s and abuse <- An interesting page exploring the need for care in Lifestyle About BDSM Out of the Shadows BDSM page. Kink Aware Practitioners <- Mental Health Professionals who understand D/s Lord Stefan Xerxes Personal Rules<- Some Real Life experience worth noting here Contracts < - Samples of ways people agree to behave. Ten Rules for a Dominant Ten Rules for a submissive Collaring Ceremonies The BDSM Emblem Deviants Dictionary Daddy Doms Hanky Codes None of the information included is intended to be the last word on D/s relationships. Each and everyone of us must find our own way within this life/love style. Always remember as you read this and other information, listen to discussions and chat with various people; The is no one right or wrong way. Generally speaking if it works between two consenting partners it works! There are two area's in which there is a generally accepted intelligent way. Those are the elements of Consent and Safety. Within the context of responsible D/s, ALL relationships are consensual. No one can demand an act of submission or play without the TOTAL consent of their partner. Just as No one can demand an act of Domination without the consent of the Dominant. That is not to say Master / slave relationships are not viable. But those should never be entered lightly or without a lot of thought and time to learn each other. The one all supreme guideline for every one in our community is SAFETY. It's not smart to break the toys. A Dominant who refuses to accept that responsibility or ignores safety issues is NOT a responsible DOMINANT and should be avoided.

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