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Scene Dynamics SubSpace, DomSpace, Land Mines & Aftercare by DaddyJ - 4/14/11 So you have traversed the landscape of safe first meetings, negotiations and protocols. Now you find yourself knee deep in the dynamics of a "scene". Perhaps you are playing with a life long partner, or perhaps it is someone you are getting to know. Realize that every "scene", is different. Even if you just do the same Saturday night spanking while the kids spend the night at grandma's, the sensations and results may not be the same each time. To understand the dynamics of a scene you have to understand that, while it may end up being a spiritual experience for one or both, the roots are in chemistry. Our reponses to stimuli involve a complex networking of hormones, central nervous system chemistry, moods, memories and automatic responses. Suggested Reading: subspace, endorphins , psychology, Sex and pain So a scene can be predictible or unpredictible. Which means for all parties, the old Boy Scout motto is important. Be Prepared. First aid Certainly have or know where first aid equipment is and make sure that the contents are not expired. If you are at a party or dungeon, know who the designated safety people or DM's (dungeon monitors) are. If you plan an intense scene, discuss it with the host or hostess and the safety crew first. Bring your own saftey gear appropriate for the scene. Communication If you work with safe words review them. The most common of course, the traffic light colors: Red= Stop. It may be to just adjust a position or to end completely. Aftercare still is reccomended. Yellow- slow down or change up.. check in and find out what is causing the yellow. Green-= More! "Keep going you are doing something I really like". Use of safewords is not so much about topping from the bottom but more like a partnership working towards a common goal. If you do not work with safewords, being attentive to "reading" your subject becomes even more important. Low verbal - non verbal Keep in mind when a scene goes "deep", words and verbal communication may fade or end entirely. If a bottom or submissive becomes non-verbal you should still establish other cue and clues. The bottom bound to a cross and gagged may be given a bell or a ball which they will drop when they have had enough. If you check in with your subject ask simple yes or no questions. Are you okay? Do you want more? Do you need to stop? The response may be a simple nod.Asking a submissive to think and form sentences is a great way to ruin the headspace. Establishing good communication is as important as clear negotiation. From the bottom side be clear about where you go or what you may need before you begin. Plan for Aftercare Have you a blanket, some place clean and safe for your subject after they are "done"? A bottle of water is important. Some partners will want very little contact, others will float along being petted, or rubbed with hands or bunny fur. Aftercare or the lack thereof is a part of the scene. If you are in a public play space, it is helpful to get your partner to safe quiet corner and arrange to have your station cleaned and toys cleared from the space so others may "play through". It can be a juggling act to care for your partner and care for the space in the same moment. Making those arrangements before you begin, can make a scene flow well for you both. A Balance of Chemistry Each person's response to a scene can be different. The Top or Dom certainly can get a rush of adrenaline or epinephrine where alertness is heightened. You are working to land each lash precisely. you are aware of anyone moving into your space or field of work. In an interesting balance, the sub or bottom gets to ""go away" or "fly" or float. Endorphins are at work. The bottom has given themself over and no longer have or need control. A neat note about sub space: try feeding your floating submissive something chocolate about an hour after the scene. The chemistry in the chocolate often gives the submissive a second lift. Tis why I like to bring brownies or swiss roll cakes to parties when we attend. Just be sure your partner doesn't have an aversion to sweets or chocolate before you play "Open your mouth and close your eyes" DomSpace Mean time the Dom or Top is taking control and guarding and guiding the subject and the scene. At the end of a session the Dom might well want to put thumbs in suspenders, strut the room or go out for a smoke. It is the chemistry. Again, in the same moment a well played submissive may be a puddle of mush, non-communicative, and in their own world floating and wanting to float as long as possible. The artist and the canvas in a sense. If the Dominant enjoys the control, and takes pride in his or her work, the aftercare should be part of the session. Are there open cuts that need to be dressed? Does the submissive need a beverage or a blanket? Do they need to feel safe and attended when feeling non-verbal, and vulnerable? If the play is public, others will be noting how you handle the aftercare. The pure Sadist and Masochist may just part ways... having fed their resepective beasts. For others a bonding or spiritual place may glow. Neither reaction is right or wrong, but respecting the need for quality aftercare is important. More reading on Dom Space. Feedback the scene isn't over when the toys are packed away and everyone is ready for bed. If there is a good deal of subspace attained, there may well be a "drop" or falling back to earth on the part of the sub. Actually in my experience a scene played well on a Saturday night, may mean there will be a downside the following Wednesday on the part of the sub. So it can take three to four days for the chemicals to rebalance completely.Be patient if the partner is cranky or out of sorts in this time following the subspace. Once this time has passed, it is a good time to evaluate the scene. Find out what worked. what was tolerated, and what could be left behind next time. Suggested Readings: Sub Drop - Dom Drop Oops! So you are going along flogging away and one shot or several wrap. It might be on a hip, or the neck, one of those owie places that are not fun and do not add to the headspace. It is important to help the sub understand that you KNOW you had a bad shot or two. Walking in and pressing a hand to the place you just hit is one way to reassure the sub you know it happened and it wasn't intended. You may choose to address it verbally. "That will not happen again". Such a gesture or remark allows the submissive the reassurance that they are in a safe place and that they do not need to end the scene. Scene Stoppers and Land Mines They are out there. Eventually you both may encounter one. A land mine or dark spiral is when the submissive goes to a scary place. if there was abuse or intense emotional upheaval in their past they may mentally revert back to that time. They can disassociate and not understand who you are or what is happening, instead reliving some punishment or trauma from their past. The key to navigating this event is to recognize it. In a scene years ago the girl was outside on a warm day, tied to a tree limb arms extended above. Now this position plays havoc with blood flow and should not be done for an extended period of time. The submissive spoke my given name. "Jay!" no Sir or Daddy anywhere to be heard. It was way out of character for my partner. I knew this was all she could say and we immediately cut her down and layed her out in the grass until she could regain her circulation. Not exactly a "land mine" of the emotional variety, but certainly a scene stopper. Years ago I was working with a partner over a spanking bench. She was long past non-verbal, but at one moment I saw her put her left hand up like a crossing guard in a "Stop" gesture. It was not a negotiated safe signal but I took the time to check in. She was not in a good place. The scene ended and I gathered her up and rocked her for a long time. I let her know she was safe and okay and the feeling would pass. And eventually it did. Turns out she had uncovered a rape as a teen that was long buried and had never been addressed. She took this to her counselor. We may be Dominants, but without a degree we can be supportive but not a therapist. The point here is to watch everything breathing, words gestures. If you get caught up in your own frenzy of play and do not stay attentive to your subject you may find it harder to engage partners. To Dominate is to control and that means all aspects. One last sharing was with a partner who actually disassociated completely. A victim of horrendous abuse as a child, enjoyed the safety of controlled pain and structured discipline. In a powerful sexual bdsm scene the woman clearly changed to a small child freightened and wanting to crawl away. It was not difficult to spot and was not a "stunt" or manipulation on the part of the woman. The scene ended. She was scooped up and rocked and told she was a good girl and did nothing wrong. She was safe and loved and everything would be okay. sometimes just being told they are safe and cared for... is all you can do if you do not know what is going on in their head. Again, this went back to a professional counsellor and therapy sessions. We work at Dominance, not professional therapy. The essense of a masterful Dominant is not how well you handle a tool, toy or partner, but how well you can handle the bumps in the road. Your milage may vary. DaddyJ 4/14/11 Other links Subspace - Wikipedia Subspace vrs. Slavespace - yielding slave to Master Stern BDSM Subspace and aftercare - Margaret Kerr BDSM Safety: Using Safe Words - Margaret Kerr Crisis Intervention Training (pdf) - Raven's Lair Psychological Land Mines - Guardian's Sugar

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