|
*** Topic for #submission_discuss: Safe, Sane and Consensual:
Speaker Bad^
*** Topic for #submission_discuss set by TheKttN on Sunday, November
23, 1997 8:38:56 PM
Whap: He's Bad^ :)
Bad steps up to the microphone tapping it it Thump Thump...
Is this on?
tasting tasting... One two three... Ahh yes... Good!
Good evening and welcome to submission_discuss on Efnet. My nick
is Bad^ and I am pleased and honored to be presenting some thoughts
on three basic tenants of responsible D/s exploration.
Safe Sane and Consensual.
Who am I to speak to this topic? I am a 45 year old Dominant
from Texas with real life experience as well as a long presence
in cyberspace. But beyond that, I have been involved in supporting
the battered family and spousal abuse centers in the communities
I have lived in, for the past 20 years. Trust, I will address
the differences between reasonable D/s exploration from light
to extreme play... as compared to abuse or co-dependant contracts.
I am host to the rapidly growing web site Whipping Post / ChainLinks.
[ now A D/s Web Center]
http://www.vanilla-not.com where a more detailed bio can
be found. I am also founder of #D/sAdventures [now defunct]
on Dalnet and I often stop here in #submission as well as a few
other channels.
But my pride and joy is A
D/s Web Center. Originally designed as part of a now defunct
channel web site, I opted to continue developing the place as
a resource for all channels and D/s web surfers to bookmark and
explore.
A D/s Web Center: D/s Basics section
is a key purpose to the channel for "new folks" and
the ChainLinks page permits couples and Tops to find new
avenues to explore and links to begin to learn the techniques.
If you are new or considering entering into or enhancing your
D/s BDSM experience. Be sure to examine this web site.
Also the submission web site at http://www.submission.net
*They have added safety links in addition to the essays we had.
Two more essays have been added today. I would be remiss not to
mention the Motha of all D/s websites D/sKiosk from Artful and natasha_
And a book you should get if you are serious about this lifestyle
SM101 by Jay Wiseman: Greenery Press
Finally My e-mail is Sir@vanilla-not.com
----End of shameless self promotion---
Some words about my words. I mean no offense if I refer to the
Master, leader, or Top as the Dom. I also imply Domme ( Female
Top). I often write from my particularly male vantage point. the
words and genders may generally be interchanged to fit your own
perspectives.
D/s: Domination /submission. This is the main heading
under which many behaviors fall.
Bondage,
Discipline/Training,
Sadism,
Masochism,
Pain Play,
Sensory Play or Deprivation
Character or Role Play
Humiliation,
Nonsexual Submissive Service and
Sexual Submissive Service
To each of you gathered here, even those in couples... you relate
to each above listed behavior, as an individual. Some you find
attractive. Some curious, and some personally objectionable. Each
behavior has it's own appeal, interest or tolerance level in you
as well.
On a scale of one to ten you would well assign different numbers
to the different elements, some being mild some being rather intense
perhaps.
The one thing all these behaviors have in common is; they all
involve Domination / submission. They all involve a willing
Power Exchange.
I would like to take a minute here to make a very important observation
that is often overlooked or misrepresented by some web pages,
books or cyberspace preachers. D/s is not, by definition,
a method for "different" sex. Let me say that again.
Domination and submission is NOT automatically about sex. It
CAN be sexual in nature. Many of the practices I just listed are
often a foreplay of sorts to some very powerful physical experiences
including sexual climax, Often, it is hard not to find the behaviors
erotic.
But the folks who state in their web sites or channels that D/s
or BDSM is a way to have a "special enhanced sex"
experience are missing a point. the real active ingredient, or
dynamic is Power and Control. Power Exchange. This in itself
is an awesome intimacy and is not to be confused with, or limited
to sexual interaction, though the two admittedly often travel
hand in hand.
The "Dom/Domme" that trains you to understand D/s
or BDSM as a way to bring him or her sexual gratification
as the primary goal, is not giving you the entire picture. Working
to please or submit to someone is a wonderful, powerful demonstration
of giving and dedication. Never let it be sold short. But let
it have an investment in both parties needs and desires. It can
be a genderless exchange.
It can be a chemical/hormonal ecstacy quite unlike an orgasm.
Learn more about endorphins
and subspace
and adrenalyn and the different types of body /mind arousal.
Which brings me to one other point, the nature of the submissive.
To submit to someone isn't to be a doormat.
In my own experience I know some very intelligent well centered
strong willed people. Very opinionated on issues of the day, very
involved in the world and environment around them. Often a force
to be reckoned with in their own rite. When such a person agrees
to submit to me... it is a most special gift.
Submission: To commit to the discretion or decision of
another or of others To Yield, Surrender. This is a voluntary
action. It isn't deciding to allow someone to use your body in
any fashion they please.
SAFE-SANE-CONSENSUAL. abbreviated at times as SSC.
SAFE: -- looking out for each other's personal safety.
SANE -- looking out for each other's mental/emotional
health.
CONSENSUAL -- Both partners are: sober, of legal age,
and are making their choices with informed consent.
D/s BDSM does not mean rape, it does not mean emotional
and physical abuse or battering. If you do not consent, it should
not happen.
I shall start with Consensual. whether you know it or
not... every contact or exchange in D/s..is a "Contract".
A contract meaning, people agree to do or permit certain things
in exchange for certain considerations. A Power EXCHANGE.
I agree to spank my sub, understanding her limits as far as pain
or endurance. She may permit me to tie her down but not permit
me to touch her in certain ways. Perhaps no tickling or no anal
contact no enema.....whatever. It is a contract of trust.
Even in a relationship that seems to have no "contract"
People have not selected each other in a vacumn. the old couple
that has been "at this for years" found each other and
agreed to explore places or lead each other places after a base
mutual consent. She was relatively sure he wasn't a Charles Manson.
He was fairly safe in the asumption she wasn't a Lorena Bobbit.
In those places on line that promote "slavery" or total
submission. it is easy to believe a "real Dom" or a
"real sub" will permit an "anything goes"
relationship. But the truth of the matter is in r/l ( Real Life)
there are "understandings" or Contracts that
have evolved of mutual interests and trusts.
I do not mean to take Gorean fantasy play or Rapesex "play"
to task. But I do wish to promote D/s as a generally healthy responsible
( albeit different) lifestyle choice. To comply with local laws
or at the minimum, civilized respect and compassion for a fellow
human being, certain base rules must be adhered to.
So Consensual means, "Contracting" or agreeing
on what will be "explored" and to what degree. What
will be permitted? What will not? There is a tool that serves
both the Dom and the sub well under the the heading of Consensual.
the Safeword.
The Safeword is a way for the sub
to express the limits of the contract are being reached. Traditional
safewords include "Yellow".
a phrase the sub will express to say "Caution!" Perhaps
to slow down lighten up, or to be careful about a new direction
in contact. Red is often used
to bring a direct and complete halt to all contact or behavior.
Dom's and subs may choose their own words... but it is strongly
advised that such a Safeword system be in place as folks
who are new to each other, begin to explore.
There are two other reasons Safewords are advantageous
in all D/s contact. They are liberating! They allow the
couple to move forward without concern for crossing boundaries.
I know for example.. my sub wants the spanking of her life....
I am free to work her more firmly or for a longer period if I
know she has the ability to participate in the process or express
her concerns.
And Safewords allow for trust building. Much of this is
about building trust not being the most macho Dom or Domme in
the universe.
I tend to start slow and build over sessions... making my subs
yearn for more. Others tend to take out the wicked toys and immediately
test the subs limits. In either scenario... the ability to invoke
a Safeword gives the couple freedom to explore more sincerely
rather then grope unknown in subspace and risk losing trust.
There is no blank check in Safe Sane and Consensual exploration.
You do not submit or demand someone to submit, to "Whatever"
Master desires. For if it is without agreement or consideration,
it is no different than the spouse who batters a spouse or child.
She did marry the bum.. but never bargained for THIS and really
has no say. Having no say, no escape.. is being a victim not a
participant.
Doesn't using a safeword indicate a ....failure?
Using Safewords NEVER indicate a submissives failure. Nor does
it indicate a Dom has failed. Safewords are the guardrails on
a mountain trail. They are the definition of a contract to play
or explore. Boundaries. Not all events can be covered in an agreement
to explore.
D/s explorations can be very dangerous even with the experienced.
They can also be harmless but frightening. Intimidation is not
the ultimate goal of D/s ( though some use elements of fear or
the unknown in their sessions) A responsible submissive
is not afraid to call a safeword, a responsible Dom will
respect the words and rework or review the session
I know... I know. there are many relationships that refuse to
use safewords or where "Master" is always right. I submit
that there are unspoken pre-agreements however in those that are
real life... and those on line. are either co dependent subs willing
to do whatever needed for the attention, meeting with insecure
Doms apt to test the sub relentlessly as a means to confirm "Dominance".
Personally as just one Dom, I have little to "prove".
I am confidant in my ability to tune into a subs needs and responses
to contact.. I am clear about what my investment is and what "pleases
me" I must respect the person who agrees to give me their
submission... long before they do this, or I do not get involved.
Perhaps that is the bottom line. Mutual Respect. Safe
Sane Consensual D/s demands mutual respect from the start.
Last week a sub caught me online troubled about a "Dom"
who kept hounding her for a collar. Submission is a granting..
a "giving" Some call it a "gift"... I think
both roles are "gifts" personally.. but it isn't about
Winning, convincing, cajoling or demanding a behavior.
Dominants, you do not "create" a sub. You may
expose them to new areas, you may train them in the things that
please you... but you may not force or convince them to do, That
which they find distasteful or objectionable. This isn't being
a responsible Mistress / Master. it is being selfish. A
submissive expects more from you than that when they permit you
to take them body and soul.
submissives: Use your strength to determine what you want
and express what you seek. Be selective in whom and how you will
give yourself over. Be open to new explorations but also clear
about those areas you are not willing to go.
When a strong submissive agrees to permit me to Dominate, there
is no more powerful chemistry. the submission has so much more
value then say.. someone who just will do whatever, just to keep
your attention.
A submissive who is strong to start with, gives so much more
over, then one who is open to anything and not really present
to begin with.
With that said.. the old adage about kissing a lot of frogs before
you find your prince Dom or princess sub ( gender apologies here)
applies as well in D/s BDSM. In fact we are even pickier
here since there are so many directions and fetishes that make
us unique.
Consensual: Don't leave home without it.
Sane: Emotional well being. this is a tricky one. A woman
with a history of abuse and in counseling for years wants to be
your sub. She is Consensual and will serve faithfully. but one
wonders if this is just echoing pain she seeks to heal from, or
her escape into subspace in a familiar arena. What is Your investment
as a Dom. As a channel Op? As a friend?
A "Dom" seems to work himself into a frenzy at times...demanding
more then the sub wishes, crossing lines of contracted behavior
then apologizing for his abusive language or deeds.
A Dom insists he is the only "Dom" you will ever be
permitted to serve, asking you to leave home and family to signify
your dedication to his total control. Two young children now will
never be able to go to Disneyworld with both Mom and Dad because
of a "Dom" who could not let go.
So many scenarios that can leave more then physical welts. Again
the measure of mutual respect goes a long way here.
I have witnessed all of these situations. Are they indicative
of healthy D/s explorations or relationships. No. The selfish
needs or co dependent contracts people make under the heading
of BDSM do NOT meet the test of SSC. Sadistic? Masochistic?
perhaps. Responsible Mature behavior? `fraid not. It can be easy
to ignore a lot and make up the rules as you go along.
Suppose for a minute; a very insecure man(woman) with a lot of
anger at women ( men) wished to play out his/her disgust with
the other gender. Where better to find willing partners then on
a net in a chat rooms about BDSM. New willing young men and women
who are without guidance but looking for someone to trust give
themselves to totally.
There are no ends to the types of twists and turns each brings
to the channels or chats. Co dependents groping for a partner
to play out their "stuff". They are dubious connections
that weave through every channel here on the net. It is in fact
the scariest part of "cyber" D/s. And the most
important reason for folks to understand and apply SAFE SANE
CONSENSUAL.
You cannot be sure of every "couple" you meet or every
"scene" you witness. But you can apply the tenants of
Safe Sane Consensual to your own involvements.
Why are you interested? Is it an all consuming or counter productive
behavior? Is it a casual curiosity? Is it just the name for something
you have felt or been for years anyhow?
Look inside. Than look carefully around you here and in Real
Life. We all explore for different reasons and outcomes. Make
sure yours are Sane ones and don't let anyone do you in a manner
you wouldn't want your offspring treated. Likewise don't "DO"
someone in a manner less then respectful when it is all said and
done.
Safe: Do you know your partner's medical and health background?
How often do you check fingers and toes for circulation when a
subject is suspended. What is the proper way to suspend. What
color wax is hottest when waxing a sub? What TYPE of candle should
be used with the most caution? What type should NEVER be used?
How long can nipple clamps be safely worn? Have you provided for
a Safe SIGNAL if your partner is gagged and bound? Do you
you check your partner regularly as she or he enters subspace?
Hmm we are not all experts it seems. <grin> But Safety
is A most important element in D/s play. I often tell a story
that demonstrates the supreme level or responsibility that comes
with the turf called D/s BDSM
Personally I rarely call it "play" Yes at times ( Particularly
on line) it is a " role play" More often you will hear
me refer to it as "exploration" Since the realm of subspace
and each others investments and involvements are "explored"
A Dom{me} binds a sub to the table to drip hot wax... the drapes
catch fire... and in no time the room is engulfed in flames...
there is a fleeting second the Dom can make a break for the door...
Or risk it all untying the sub.
A "responsible" Dom has a duty to the sub beyond
his/her own needs and pleasures. that sub placed body and soul
into the Dom's hands trusting implicitly in his/her ability to
never for a second forget the subs welfare or well being.
In law it is called a fiduciary duty. To hold a higher interest
in the one you are guardian for, then your own self. It is no
less important when another human being is on the other end of
your rope or crop or particular flavor of D/s.
Dom{me}s have a responsibility to train and learn from those
who know. Not to experiment just because one is willing. Subs
have a right to ask qualifications and experience and to be sure
about skills and dedication to Safe Sane Consensual before
contracting into any contact.
There are local societies across the world dedicated to Safe
Sane Consensual D/s experiences. Places to ask and learn and
watch and explore. Shamelessly plugging A D/s Web Center web site D/s Near You as one excellent resource to find out more.
the ChainLinks page has how-to and where-to links.
One more point before I go to questions from you.... Alcohol and drugs.
In the real life parties and gatherings I have attended as well
as the personal dungeon sessions I have managed... alcohol and
drug use have no place.
It isn't hard to figure out why. IN the case of a good Dom...
he/she needs to be clear of mind and very alert. taking someone
to subspace is much deeper then say .. being a laMaze coach. every
nuance of breathing.. and response needs to be carefully observed.
every action carefully controlled.
In my own experience A sub can even forget their safeword and
may need to be prompted even as I work him/her. I will have the
sub beg for more as an assurance they are still "connected"
while in subspace. Or I will ask the sub point blank... do you
need your safeword?
Such deep connections demand an extremely observant Dom. Impaired
judgment from drugs or alcohol.. even cold medications.. are just
cause to rule out a D/s exploration.
Likewise the sub actually "Seeks" sensations. Use of
numbing concoctions, drugs or alcohol... indicate there is a problem
with this sub and the behavior about to be attempted. Better to
wait for a more appropriate time.
Alcohol and drug use has NO place in Safe Sane Consensual
exploration.
I have discussed Safe Sane and Consensual. The possible
perils of neglecting any of these elements, the purpose and joy
of using safewords and the ultimate responsibilities of
both Tops and bottoms in their respective roles in these pursuits.
D/s BDSM is a place of strange and fascinating fetishes,
people and practices. Often erotic or arousing... but not based
as just a way to enhance sex. The power exchanges, trust and mental
avenues explored can go much deeper then "kinky sex"
would ever hope to.
But with the advent of computers and chats and instant cyber
connections across the globe with every element society can offer..
Comes the inevitable abuses, misunderstandings, hurts and scars
that can cause this lifestyle more damage then good.
We should be free to explore our bodies and minds. free to help
each other explore new ways to relate. But to do so irresponsibly,
or selfishly, is to bring down an entire Lifestyle under the guise
of "BDSM Role play
I implore you to embrace the concepts of Safe Sane and Consensual.
To require these elements with anyone you would select as a partner.
Also to ask those your chat with, or party with r/l to respect
your wishes in this regard.
Share these with folks you meet and newcomers you might bring
into the D/s arena.
It's your body and mind. If you don't love and respect it first..
You get what you allow...
I will answer a few questions then we can open the channel up
for discussion.
Bad^: The web site again is A
D/s Web Center
Bad^: http://www.vanilla-not.com
Bad^: the e-mail is Sir@vanilla-not.com
fireNdark: REMINDER: If you have a question or comment, simply
type (?) or (!)
MstrRobt: ?
fireNdark: GA MstrRobt
Bad^: Go ahead.
MstrRobt: I have experienced a society predjuice to b an d ;
Could you comment on this aspect
Bad^: b&d is not mainstream. So depending on where you live..
A major metropolis or a tiny burg... you may have trouble findind
an accepting sub culture.
MstrRobt: This was at a major hotel chain in the middle of the
day
Bad^: I don't need to convince my neighbors I am okay. I merely
need to find folks I can share my interest with. I wouldn't go
after Minny atDisneyWorld if I had a popular Mouse fetish. But
seriously how were you affected by the rjection of your interests?
Hawkwood: BDSM has been referrred to as the "last closet"...
Hawkwood: People will admit to most any deviancy before that
one.
MstrRobt: We were interrupted by having the police called in
--> MstrRobt A learning experience. I guess this is the reason
more clubs and societies are formimg. A Safe place for exploration.\
cinnamon^: Bad, Sir...for those newer to the scene that may be
here tonight...could You spend a few minutes covering safe calls
and other safetly measures when one goes form online to a face
to face meeting?
{Editors Note: See Safe
Meet Link for more info}
Bad^: I can touch on this only briefly and I would not want to
leave anything out. Basically in a nutshell... meet with someone
you know and trust on line for the first time as if they were
the original axmurdered.
Bad^: If they are not... You will relax in time.
cinnamon^ smiles
Bad^: this means DO NOT meet wqith someone at your home first
meeting. Do not go without letting someone know the name and number
of the person you are meeting with.
ancilla^: just a quick suggestion, look for the hotels with seperate
entrances or better yet seperate cabins. It takes more planning,
but the setting needs to be planned as well as the scene. May
i suggest that the saftey issuse be a whole topic to the ops.
Bad^: Make sure you are clear that soemone expects you to call
them during the "meeting" and after it concludes.
Bad^: Meet in a public place.
Bad^: And don't feel bad meeting with a "friend" who
tagged along.
Bad^: More on this is in Newcomers on the web site.
Whap: Bad, what about MR's question? What if you are practicing
SSC D/s and others call the police or interrupt you? What should
you or can you do in that case?
Bad^: Be clear from the start that you are rehearsing for a New
Off broadway play.
Bad^: Just kidding.
Hawkwood: LOL fireNdark laughs
Whap: Hasn't happened to me YET...but I know it happens.
^kira: LOL sassysub: lolol laci^: lol rockme: lol Whap: LOLOL
^kira applauds that one tapestry: HWL!!!!! Whap: Oo ow o o o
....lala. ;)
MstrRobt: It happened to us Whap and we had our Id checked
Bad^: Be respectful of the authorities.. There can be any myriad
of laws you have violated and for the record ignorance of the
law is not innocence.
panthera laughs Brigitte^ chuckles
tapestry: Look for hotels with poored cement floors and walls?
Whap: Don't admit to anything.
Bad^: If the authorities understand there is no rape or unwarranted
violence occuring they may ask you to behave or they may hassle
you downtown. Beligerence doesn't play well here. Find out specifically
what charges you are facing.
Whap: Call a lawyer and claim conspiracy or discrimination, eh?
Bad^: But be compliant and apologetic.
MstrRobt: For the channel info ; we were not arrested; and the
police left afterwards
^kira: glad to hear that MR
sassysub: ok, having done everything you can possibly do concerning
safety, agreeing on the terms of the session, etc...a newcomer,
such as myself, having never experienced bdsm will be extremely
nervous, worried sick that he/she will disappoint the Top....even
tho the Top is fully aware of the subs position...what can you
say to the newcomer to help him/her relax...not worry so much?
sassysub: now...let me read that to see if i made sense
sassysub grins
Bad^: No. this is never usually more then a disturbing the peace
call. And if I were sleeping next door I might have a valid complaint.
Keep that in mind.
Bad^: Trust your Top.. or don't play. You have to get the sense
they understand your fears.
sassysub: trust isn't always a factor in being nervous, Sir
Bad^: A good top might even begin with relaxing exercises for
you. And you need to learn to work relaxing techniques internally
too. Deep breathing... as well as good communication helps with
those anticipatory feelings. Some of that isn't really Bad^ sassy.
It is like stage fright before you go "On" it can be
refocused into the experience.
DeOracle: what are our options as friends should we find one
of our friends involved in a realtionship that appears to be more
abusive then D/s oriented...do we HAVE any options as to how to
bring that up to them
sassysub smiles..thank-you Sir
Bad^: Well if it is abusive it is abusive. More or less means
nothing. Yes. Sometimes a Person with good Top skills doesn't
understand the position of the sub or the rules of the game. Open
discussion is good.
Bad^: A Safeword ends all play. then the real work begins. Reviewing
what worked and what didn't.
Bad^: Are you asking if you know an abused sub or an abusive
Dom?
DeOracle: I know a couple in an abusive relatioship
Bad^: Well that is a tough one. If the couple thinks they are
doing what they want. they may be co-dependant. The hotel complaint
is an easier one to make stick.
Bad^: If however She is a victim ( in some cases even a HE can
be a victim) You should check the local laws and support groups
then find a way to slip information to the victim and assure them
they have an alternatives.
Bad^: I once met a woman who was waking to a gun pressed to her
temple.
Bad^: I got her outta there.
Bad^: She is my wife. : )
Whap: LOL
laci^: :)
MstrRobt: Good for you Bad
fireNdark: :)
DeOracle: if i took this route, i would have multiple wives -
but I am not a mormon
Whap: Bad: Guess the idiot didn't know what he had, eh? :)
_Joe_: you'd also have multiple problems
Bad^: Somewhere between do nothing and change religions Oracle.
You have to get information and decide how much a hero you want
to be.
^kira: one last question then we can open it up for discussion
:)
Bad^: No lie Whap we have been happy 17 years now.
laci^: how difficult is it, Bad, Sir..to live the BDSM lifestyle..with
children in the house? How do you incorporate your sexual preferences
into everyday life..as responsible parents
ProvokeMe: good question
Bad^: A good masterlock on the toys.
Whap: And an electrified crib. ;)
Bad^: I actually know my 10 year old will eventually find my
Bad^ side on the web or the computer here... I will tell her the
truth as best I can.
peaches^: evening Bad^ Sir
Bad^: I play as my family commitments permit. Since my wife is
vanilla I tend to got to play parties or in one case buiilt a
dungeon at my subs home.
laci^: thank you, Sir
Bad^: If you have an interest you will find a way. Again local
groups can make all the difference.
^kira: Bad, Sir, on last question from tulips please?
^kira: GA tulip
Bad^: The web site has many listings or you can e mail me for
more http://members.aol.com/MrBadSir/bad/wppd.home.html
Bad^: MrBadSir@aol.com
tulip{LO}: Was wondering if you can tell me ways of being respectful
online? Because I've only been involved in D/s for a short time
and want to know these things so I sound more like a sub. And
anything else you can add for me...
Whap: Dang tulips...I could have answered that for you. ;)
Whap: *giggle*
Bad^: Never type a line without the word Sir in it. lol Use the
word "respectful" often. Be humble and apologetic. and
Bad^: Find another sub you can vent your true feelings with on
the side <wink>
ancilla^: lol tapestry: LOL panthera: LOL Brigitte^ laughs cinnamon^:
LOL
tapestry: suggests being yourself
peaches^: <smirk> ^fantasy: lol
Bad^: I know tulip. NOT a good suggestion! lol
cinnamon^ loves seeing how many "Sir"s she can fit
into one sentence...it's even more fun when SirSirpen comes in
sassysub: lolol cinn
^kira chuckles
Bad^: Just kidding tulip you have grown a lot in a short time.
panthera: you are so bad cinn LOL
SheDragon: lol cinnamon
Brigitte^: so that's the secret..hmm
tulip{LO}: Thank you Sir, but I don't think I have.
Bad^: I'd like to thank you all for coming and listening and
sharing. I am always bouncing around the net. So e mail me or
visit with me on channel any time. I may not have the answer but
I never mind lookin with you for it.
laci^: thank you, Bad, Sir..this was very interesting..and very
well done
laci^ applauds
SheDragon: thank you Bad, have a great night
Bad^: So let;s open this up for general diuscussion now.
MstrRobt: Thank you Bad for taking the time to speak with us
all
Shubuku: she certainly is
panthera: thanks Bad Sir
ancilla^ stands and claps
peaches^: Mr. Bad Sir, does it concern you that when your daughter
does, as you say she will no doubt eventually find this side of
you, does it concern you that she will what to venture into this
realm? or more frankly SIr, is it a healthy role model to be?
^kira: Thank You, Bad, Sir for coming...we'd like to take this
to open discussion now. Thansk everyone for coming.
sara: Thank you Sir
TheKttN: tulip, a hint is, never do anything that will make your
Dominant look bad. You don't have to worry about anyone else,
but always show your respect for him.
^victoria: ?
^fantasy applauds
rockme applauds ..... Well done Sir... *warm smile*
Bad^: kira since abuse was a theme in our marriage ( My spouses
former experience and my work in the community) I began teaching
my kids a healthy respect for their body and spaces...
Bad^: sorry that was peachy's question.... If my daughter is
curious I will not stop her but I will ask her to be responsible.
It is more important that I have dialoug woith my child then that
I control or influence them too much.
TheKttN: Thank you very much Bad^ Sir :) This has been an excellent
discussion.n_discuss
^victoria: well, excuse my English for first
Beowulf` thanks Bad
`eliza curtsies to the masters an mistress and quickly finds
a sit
Bad^: I am listening victoria)
peaches^: thank you Sir
^victoria: but I wanted to discuss, if a GOOD sub has to serve
ALL doms who are coming into the channel. (because often doms
are surprised, when I tell them no, I ask me why then I`m on this
channel)
Bad^: You choose who you submit to. Otherwise it is not a personal
yielding.
^victoria: sorry, THEY aske me, why then I`m here
^victoria: lol.. I`m typing badly at this hour
cinnamon^: victoria...a submissive chooses who she submits to
and serves...being submissive doesn't mean waitress or dropping
to your knees to anyone with a capped nick!
Bad^: tell them you are learning.. and hope they are too!.
laci^: I find alot of Dom-wannabe's hang around submission ty[e
channels..and then message you privately and demand that you "serve"
them..any true Dom would never behave in such a way
ancilla^: AMEN!
tulip{LO}: Since there are like a lot of people in here that
know me can I say something?
^victoria: lol... I know that, but wanted to tell it to all doms
here too!
Bad^: It does attract a lot of kids and abusives.no lie.
panthera: say it again laci and cinn!
cinnamon^: victoria...the gift of your submission is a precious
gift...and no disrespect meant to anyone...but not all are worthy
of that gift
ProvokeMe: All Dom's do not feel that way victoria... trust me
sara: thanks again Bad Sir, it was really interesting
sassysub smiles....thank-you Bad for the discussion, Sir...i'm
impressed, you seem to have put a lot into it...that's appreciated,
possibly more than you realize
^kira: Bad, Sir, thank You for coming, it was a wonderful presentation.
Bad^: Spread the word Safe Sane Consensual
Bad^ pulls down a leather whip snapping it several times just
to relieve tension. Bad smiles and places it gently back in its
hooks.
whip.wav: playing sound file
|
