Personal Journey # 18
A Butchmann's
Journey
By:
Travis
Journeys.
Individual journeys. Journeys that involved spiritual floggings,
cathartic mummifications, long talks about shared archetypes, long
discussions about connecting ones sexuality and their spirituality,
naked slaves, loud bullwhips, great food, sharp knives,and
electricity, all inside of a desert compound that reminds
one most of a Buddhist Monastery. That is the Butchmann's
experience I had recently.
No question I went expecting lots of protocols, and to be
told over and over the importance of protocol. Maybe to
be told the importance of "their" protocol over
"mine". I expected to be told how essential to
"Mastery" were protocols. I expected to hear those
words for the whole trip. What I heard was the importance
of "heart" and "spirit" and "soul".
I went expecting to worry about my "techniques",
and learned about the importance of journeys. I went
expecting to learn how to "control where folks go",
and learned the importance of letting others take their
own journeys while I act as their support. I watched others
show such courage, and in watching their courage, I
learned about how I had avoided courage, avoided my fears,
and created some of my own "lies" that I used
to comfort my life, and feel better about "who I am".
My journey, that I went there thinking was about protocol,
D/S and "Master/Slave", was about courage,
about rediscovering my own . They made me take that journey
by myself. But they were there every step of the way. Not
patting me. Not telling me it would be OK. Not "shutting
off" my fears. But holding me as I made that journey.
Just holding me.
And that was just right.
I left Houston on Wednesday evening. I thought a long, 2200
mile journey (1100 each way) by car would be good for me.
Relaxing. And I was right. No phones, no clients,
no stress. Just lots of music, and lots of desert. I had
planned on stopping once in Texas and once in New Mexico.
Well, I stopped in Texas in Junction, which is really a
lovely little town just West of San Antonio.(Serious football
fans will remember Bear Bryant's "junction boys".
This is that Junction). But let me tell you,
from there to Tucson, there really is no place but El Paso
to stop. Nothing. Nada. Oh, there are little towns. And
tons of Motel 6s, Holiday Inns, and Best Westerns. But there
ain't no 'place' to stop. But damn there is good food at
every little place along the way. Breakfast in Junction,
lunch in Van Horn. Food to die for. Texas food. Real stuff.
So I ate. Sang. Ate. Drove. Ate. Drove. And listened to
Johnny Rivers, Willy Nelson, and Frank Sinatra all the way.
Hell of a fine drive.
I got there a day early. Called Master Steve of Butchmann's and
told him I was there. He told me to come on up and use a
guest room for the evening. I went, expecting a normal home
with a bit of land, and a barn type "barracks".
What I found was incredible. A magnificent desert style
home full of wonderful art, antiques, erotic sculptures,
and fabulous views. The outside of the house was even better.
Their own magnificent Druid ceremonial circle, with huge
rocks, sculptures, and a spiritual feeling that simply could
not be denied. There was a gazebo that reminded one most
of the Parthenon, but here it was not "human reason"
as the Greeks would have us believe, but "human spirit"
that ruled. And you felt it.
We walked the nature area between the home and the guest
house. And what a guest house. (Barracks to the slaves).
This was a house of two wonderful guest rooms for couples,
a lovely kitchen, and a barracks to sleep 12. It was also
a house that "Housed" the dungeon. Huge. Awesome
dungeon. At least 3000 sq. ft. maybe more. very tall ceilings.
One built-in empty prison type cell that is about
4 ft across and 6 ft deep. Adjoining it is another built-in
cell with a bunk bed to sleep two. Slaves sleep in them
every night. Many crosses, many more beds laid out for "horizontal"
play as well as sleeping. Inventive newly designed chains
stations and the most awesome I Beam that runs the length
of the dungeon for the best suspension imaginable. And closets
full of toys. (36 single tails alone. Too many flogs to
count. All the piecing equipment any two pro shops would
need. And more. Lots more.)
Dinner that night was Tucson McGraws. Looks like it sounds.
Hitching rail for horses, customers openly wearing their
guns on their hips. All I had was my hat and 20 year old
ostrich boots. Talk about being "out machoed".
Even the waitress was more macho then me. I did not want
dessert, but her mother had handmade dessert there for 25
years, and you don't walk out of there without a limp if
you don' t order desert. Best god damned cream puffs I have
ever had. Awesome. Not spiritual. But awesome.
Then back to the guest house. Comfort. Sleep. After
1100 miles of desert, that was pretty awesome by itself.
Friday everyone else started arriving. The "show"
started at 5:00pm with dinner. The slaves cook. The slaves
clean. The Doms/Tops/Masters sit around and talk and look
Domly/Toply/Masterly. Good enough for me. We meet. Everyone
is nice. Everyone is warm. The nerves start calming down
for everyone. This is going to be good, not bad. Not scary
in the wrong ways. It is the epitome of "consensual".
The feeling already is joy. Everyone is basically a "touchy
feely" person. Lots of hugs.
Session one.
Everyone joins in the dungeon. No play. We sit. We talk.
Slaves naked on the floor. Doms in chairs. Introductions
all around. Master Steve, of course, leads the talk. He
introduces his teaching "staff". The first is
a gentleman named SlaveMaster. Right away I am ready to
not like this man. Even Steve calls him the zealot
of the desert. He has a website, http://www.bornslaves.com/ that
I just simply could not resonate with. It did not feel right.
When he first started talking, he did not "feel right"
to me either. Here, I thought, was a rigid man. A messiah
with a message. Someone who wanted this 53 year old balding
chubby Top to do things "his" way. I would have
to learn "his " protocol. Study "his"
style. If I did not, I would not "belong" to the
club. I would forever be a "wannabe", a mere Top.
From that, I was reminded of one important lesson.
First impressions often ain't worth much.
What a gentle man SlaveMaster is. What an intelligent, well
read, spiritual man. (And such a sense of humor, even about
himself. ) So open. So ready for you to be you. For you
to do it "your way". For you to take your own
trip. And for him to just be there. To just hold you on
your way. I learned so much from this man. So SlaveMaster,
if you read this, I am sorry. I misjudged you early on.
I was wrong. I told you that at Butchmann's, but let me
say it here. I was wrong. And thank you for not caring that
I was wrong, and letting me find my own way, in my own time,
on my own journey.
Master Skip was next. In image he is the opposite of SlaveMaster,
in "essential self" they are soul brothers. Skip
became important to me. Not as a "Master", but
as a counselor. He is a grief counselor. He gave of himself
to me all weekend, freely, to talk about "my stuff".
Never teaching me. Never preaching to me. Just helping me
explore myself. My issues. My way, at my pace. No advice.
No instructions. Just there. Just sharing. Just support.
Hugging me like he meant it, for as long as I needed it.
He was also so much of the "fun" of Butchmann's
for me. His laugh, his infectious joy. His real and true
"love" for people, and the joy of S&M. I am
not much on titles. I don't like calling people Master.
I don't like being called that myself. "Asshole"
is fine with me. But Skip shall be Master Skip to me. Not
for how he has mastered his slaves, or how he has mastered
S&M, but for how he helped me Master my fears, and my
"self lies", and for his love.
Mistress Susan. One of the best things life gives you is
friends. And Susan and I knew very early on that we would
be friends. She is from Atlanta, and is a major part of
the Sanctuary of the Dark Angel. Susan and I shared feelings.
We shared play. We shared hugs. I listened to her, and I
learned from her. But, honest to god, most of all, I "LIKED
HER", a lot. I "resonated" well with
her. I wanted to spend time with her. Doing S&M, eating
hamburgers, sharing our women. She is all the things I say
about Master Skip and SlaveMaster when it comes to intelligence
and knowledge. But to me, she was fun. A new joy in my life.
And then there was "US". The students. Several
submissive women, 3 male Doms, a brand new Fem Dom, a wonderful
male to female Trans (M), and R. R was this wonderful young
(32-33 kind of young) man. He just started his BDSM journey.
Scared. Nervous. And hungry. Ready. Ready to just experience
"IT", whatever "IT" turned out to be.
I learned from these folks. Maybe I learned most from R
and M. I sure learned more from their courage in taking
their journeys then they could have learned from me and
my whips or my flogs.
Session Two
Flogging. Not just flogging, but "spiritual flogging".
We did flogging from 9 in the morning to 2:30 in the afternoon,
and never discussed techniques. We talked about spirit.
We talked about "the now", and staying "present
in the now". We talked about intensity. We talked about
endorphins. We talked about aftercare, and the whys and
hows. We talked about connection, and heart. And then we
flogged. Two sessions. One only 5 minutes of flogging, the
next only 20 minutes. Nothing. No big deal. And the tears
flowed. Not from pain, but from the opening up, from the
beginnings of the journeys.
Here was my first lesson from SlaveMaster. It was about
"aftercare". He really made a new sub woman
fly in the 20 minute flogging session. She came down crying
from emotion, not pain. He held her. He did not speak.
He did not pat. He did not brush her. He did not tell her
it would be OK. He held her. Firmly. Until she had had enough.
Until her journey was over. We talked about that, and he
explained that if you "pat" and tell the person,
"there, there, it will be OK", then you are "brushing
them off. You are trying to hurry them. You are telling
them that "their journey" is not important. That
your time is more important then their journey. All weekend
I saw him do this. I saw him bring people out of real emotional
crisis' by letting them take "their journey their way",
and just holding them firmly. Just being there for them.
It is then I began to really see him for the man he is,
and not the image I had.
Session Three
After dinner, I had my first conversation with Master Skip.
He came to me, and reminded me that I had asked to talk
with him. I didn't have to nag, or feel like I was nagging.
Within 5 minutes, I knew my instincts in asking him to talk
to me were right on. He was wonderful. He was intelligent.
He was professional. He helped move me along on MY Journey,
My way. (Listening to so much Sinatra on my trip may well
have influenced this writing, sorry)
After that conversation, I had the privilege of doing about
an hour of bullwhip teaching. My joy. I love it. I call
my class Bullshit with Bullwhips. I teach, you laugh, that's
how we divide the duties. Such a fun group to work with.
And the staff was as receptive to learning as they were
to teaching. My ego soared. For an hour I was young, flat
bellied, and sexy. Some times, an hour is enough.
Then we did bondage, electric play, and a lot of piercings.
And here Steve taught. The beauty of his teaching was in
how simple he made the techniques. He could mummify you
in 2 minutes, and that is not an exaggeration, he can do
it. He showed how spirit, connection, heart, and bonding
mattered so much more then technique or style. The tears
flowed after the piercing session, which went on and on
because we simply would not let it end. The tears were never
from pain. They were from the emotions that the connections
brought out, from the journeys taken for the first time.
We quit that night because we were tired. Real tired. Like
very tired. Emotionally tired, physically tired. Help me
here. We were tired. If you have a better word, use it.
Sunday. Great breakfast. "Slave Steve" (Now
in his cooking breakfast mode) got up at 5:30 am to start
this incredible Southwestern egg dish. ( I am
way to much a Domly Dom to get up that early to make anyone
breakfast. I guess that is one of my few "protocols"----5:30
am, huh, then you fix the fucking breakfast)
The "class" was on mummification. I never much
cared for it. Not until that Sunday morning. It all seemed
way to much work for the Top. This time I learned to do
it well, and easily. but this time it was not about S&M
play, it was about S&M emotions, and S&M spirit,
and S&M connection. It was a morning of magic, or maybe
magick, happening, and I mean that in a real way.
We had one of those mummified (M) who had been in a
terrible motorcycle accident years before. Since the accident
she had felt no sensation in her left leg below the knee,
as if she had no nerve endings there. During her mummification
she really went "out there". She flew. She had
visions of becoming "whole". She was the "trans"
in our group, and in her flying she felt it meant she would
come out of the mummification with "new genitals that
she liked", and not the old ones she hated. That did
not happen, but when she came out of the mummification,
her leg itched, and it itched big time. She could not stop
scratching it, and she could not stop crying. She had not
felt that leg at all in years, and for the rest of that
day, and I hope, the rest of her life, that leg was alive
with feeling.
R, the young man just beginning his journey, had his
own "catharsis" during his mummification, and
it brought him such strength, power, and such a sense of
"wholeness". He became an animal, he roared, he
fought, he cried, he screamed, he loved, and he was gentle.
It was also another chance to learn from SlaveMaster
has he helped R take R's journey, R's way. It was a moving
experience, and being allowed to be a small part of it was
such a joy.
Throughout it all, after each session, we had a "break
down" session, in which each person who played, top
or bottom, shared their experiences. These talks are really
the "guts" to me of Butchmann's. The talks
were longer then the playing, and it is where we bonded,
where we were touched and moved. It is here where I had
to talk about what is real to me, and where my journey was.
Playing is easy. Flogging is easy. Bullwhips and knives
are easy. They don't demand anything from "Me".
Not from the inside. Not from where I am real. Telling others
about who you really are, and where you really are hurting,
and why, and telling what you hide from the world so you
will be seen as strong and good and brave, well that is
not easy. Not for me. And telling them how you are growing
and changing is not easy either. That is where the real
work was done. This is where you realize that all of it,
the whole experience is about finding and being your "authentic
self". The person you were meant to be, not the person
others want you to be.
We are told that "truth" often, in many ways.
But few places in your life "take you there".
Few places help you experience that feeling. This place
took me, and many others there. And I have found I don't
want to be anyplace else.
I loved this place. This place of spiritual healing and
growth. This place of laughter, and joy. This place of tears
and emotion. This place of heart and spirit. I did not get
from it what I went expecting. But I got exactly what I
needed. I will go again.
Travis
About
the author:
Travis is a Houston Dominant I have know personally since
the mid 90's. He has been a hinge pin in organizing
and stabilizing the Het BDSM scene in Houston, not only
as a driving force behind HPEP, and the S&M Ball for
many years, but as a warm and congenial ambassador for
Houston's scene in many other arenas. He is remarkable
with bullwhips, and yet a safe harbor for the soul who
is wrestling with issues the lifestyle (or life in general)
might present. We don't always see eye to eye, but I respect
his accomplishment's. He is now moving more towards his
own inner growth, and I am pleased he has agreed to share
some of his travels with us at large.
- DaddyJ
Article
presented with permission
..As
originally appears on houstonbdsm.com
Travis
shares more of his Personal
Journey
