Dominant Types and their sub Counterparts
-One Doms Viewpoint-
By: Owlm48
..................As
originally appears on cyberbazzar.com/discuss/types
Now located at 1stopweb shop
Over the years I have observed many forms of Dom/sub
behavior. Although I have never been known as one to try and
categorize anything or anybody, in the educational spirit of
creating discussion and thought, I wanted to discuss some of
my observations. Hopefully this dissertation will help those
new to the lifestyle find a place for themselves, an area to
identify with or explain various forms of D/s behavior. And
for those who are in the lifestyle to just enjoy the discussion.
I think that Dominants can fall into one of three categories
, with modifications within them. I want to discuss the major
categories, but leave the modifications to your imagination
and/or conclusions. There could even be combinations of types.
The types fall into the categories of Authoritarian, Democratic,
and Equalitarian. These types have their sub counterparts. I
will discuss the main characteristics of these subs and again
leave the various modifications thereof up to your imagination.
Remember, although I may mention some negative things about
some of these categories, these persons and situations must
be evaluated by the quality of the people involved and not by
the activities themselves. Remember that variation is endless.
I do not intend to offend anyone by these generalizations. We
all know that there are exceptions to every rule and that "we"
are all "exceptions."
The Authoritarian Dominant
The Authoritarian Dominant is one
who "rules" with the absolute power, the total control.
Makes all decisions, there is no questioning of what is asked
or done. The only recourse the sub may enjoy is perhaps a safe
word or , if allowed, few if any limitations. These Dom's enjoy
the strictest master/slave relationships. They attract subs
who want to be totally controlled. This is the "slave"
submissive. Many of these subs find themselves being considered
doormat types by those who do not understand this form of D/s.
(However, it may attract door-mat type persons and power freak
type individuals). This form may and usually does involve strict
total voluntary surrender either mentally/emotionally and/or
physically, and usually through heavy S&M activities. This
is where pushed limits are very much a part of the activities.
Some of the strongest bonds/relationships exist in these situations.
Here is where one can also find the strict 24 hours a day 7
days a week (24 / 7) D/s relationships. There are no long drawn
out training sessions to effect certain behaviors as in the
Democratic Domination. Things are just done, no negotiations;
limits are pushed and it is accepted by both. There is a great
sense of closeness and coupling in the uncensored relinquishing
of power and the wielding of absolute control. They fully understand
this concept of D/s and live it strictly and with elegance.
Their implements (toys if you will , but in this type I don't
look upon them as toys - you can be sure that they are the "real"
thing) are highly crafted, sometimes intricate, wielded proficiently
and effectively. The Dominants are highly skilled in their use.
And you might say that the submissives are highly skilled at
receiving the results. These implements developed by the Authoritarian
types are borrowed in kind and concept by other D/s types. It
can be a profound and sobering experience for some not yet familiar
with this type of domination to witness an Authoritarian scene.
You will find this type referred to as real D/s. and it is "real."
This is what "real" is usually referred to. But D/s
is not only S&M , it encompasses a wide variety of D/s behaviors
and conventions. So real is real for what you are involved in
and not what others do. This "is" real BDSM, have
no doubt about this. It is, however, only one aspect or area
of D/s. I think that here one finds the situation where individuals
feel naturally (born) this way and fall into this easily and
with great acceptance and comfort in spite of outward appearances.
The Democratic Dominant
The Democratic Dominant ( sounds
like an oxymoron ) is one who controls by agreement. Contracts,
discussions, limitations, conditions, safe words, times of day,
places where, are all spelled out or discussed and are strictly
followed. Sometimes in written contracts. Punishments are provided
for the enjoyment of both <wink> when these are not followed;
and rewards are given (I think) when they are followed. Submissives
who are attracted to these situations are those who want the
same agreed conditions, especially the limitations. They can
be called feisty, bad, spoiled, hard to tame, because they like
to challenge the limits/rules -- either because they want it
this way (to have control), or have certain fears. This can
be the game area, where fun supersedes the Dominant/submissive
operative. The Dominant and submissive like the actual and varied
activities and enjoy participating in them. The submissive probably
does not want to actually surrender, but likes playing as if
she is does. These form the least strong relationships and bonds.
This area is where the fun seekers usually reside, those who
do not fully understand or have not fully experienced what D/s
is, and maybe don't want to. Or, frankly, the inexperienced.
The activity or concept of "Topping from the Bottom"
is also found here. The rules are a guide to those who like
this type of interaction, or a crutch for those who have little
or no knowledge of what it is all about on an intellectual,
philosophical and physical level. "Cookbook" Domming
and submitting. Many like this type of situation since it is
a convenient and safe way to play with D/s (fun) or it makes
it easy to feel like they are or are indeed practicing D/s.
This type also serves a very good purpose as a safe passage
to other forms of D/s, or for learning, especially among those
who are doing this for the first time with someone new, or for
the first time ever. After experience with D/s or experience
with that particular person is gained, the "rules of the
road" so to speak become more of an intimated reaction
between the two, and can lead to some very strong and satisfying
D/s relationships. Some of these types or agreements can be
of the 24/7 type, usually by agreement, but most involve predetermined
parameters. This is the area for those Dominants who like long
drawn out training sessions and submissives who are resistant
to certain things and need to be broken down or want to be broken
down repeatedly. Also, surprisingly, we can find the very S&M
orientated individuals here as well as in the Authoritarian
(totalitarian) types. The individuals are very much into the
giving and receiving pain. The relationship is formed with what
you might say is an underlying agreement; that is " I like
and enjoy giving you as much pain as I can give and you can
stand." -- "You want and enjoy as much pain as I can
give and you can stand." -- "Agreed." -- "So
let's be together." Another democratic agreement made.
The Equalitarian Dominant
The Equalitarian Dominant is one
who controls by teaching, mentoring and leading. This Dominant
feels and knows that when they find a comparable submissive
that things will happen as a progression of the interaction.
Usually just a mention or short learning situation is necessary
to obtain a certain interaction. Both the Dominant and the submissive
"get it", need very little, so called "training"
and naturally know what the other needs after interaction. This
Dominant does not like the situation of constantly repeating
and forcing a particular behavior (submission) to occur. It
is not the activities but the surrender as the result of the
Domination that is the objective and enjoyment. Creativity is
an important part of this situation. These are the more intellectual,
into the philosophy/psychology mechanism of this lifestyle.
They understand the concepts and resultant interactions and
can put it into real life. They do not need many "rules"
like the Democratic type , nor do they like the heavy S&M
activities; preferring submission to occur as a result of an
instilled desire in the submissive to surrender. She "wants"
to as a result of the Dominant's knowledge and skill at Dominating.
Sensuousness is the rule and pain is given and received as a
form of sensuous stimulation. Light pain as opposed to severe.
Sensuous torture is a popular activity in this area. Both the
Dominant and the submissive must be naturally this way. These
are the ones who claim to be born this way, have always been
this way. They fully understand the concept of D/s - it comes
to them naturally and easily. They attract a submissive who
truly and naturally wants to please, and who will observe and
sense what the dominant is communicating; and be able to translate
that into the right thing to do. The doing or saying without
having to be told type. The submissives beg easily and surrender
sweetly. They understand the concept of respect and surrender
and can make it happen after initial learning with little or
no additional instructions. They embrace the surrender gratefully
and lovingly. These individuals usually form the most intimate
of relationships, the closest. There is not much downside to
these relationships, because they not only grasp the concepts,
but can make it happen too; and their attraction is based on
strong mutual respect. Their strong relationship is not readily
apparent to the unobservant, but they are always subtly in the
24-7 mode. The fact that these things come forth naturally and
without the need for orders or rules are a great affirmation
and source of pride, satisfaction and loving. Just as the strictness
and forbearance without the need for orders or rules of the
Authoritarian/Totalitarian situation affirms pride, satisfaction
and loving.
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