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Issue number 35 Monday, August 12, 2002
Things To Know about Training a Slave
by Jack Rinella
At the recent Ms. World Contest my friend Beverly, who loves to
sell books at her vendor booth, asked me to name the title of a
"good" slave training manual. "Miss
Abernathy's Concise Slave Training Manual" is unfortunately
out of print, but I hear it will soon return. Obviously you can
also consult my two books, "The
Master‚s Manual" and "The
Compleat Slave." I also recommend Guy Baldwin's "SlaveCraft."
In the meantime here's my scope on it, with apologies to those who
aren't into D/s as deeply as some of us.
Know
what you Want
| The Real Dynamic
| Inspire
| Communicate your
Desires | Teach
Technique |Reward
Often
Communicate
your Feelings | Explain
when you Train | Punish
when Necessary | Show
and Share your Pride
1. Know
what you want.
A master must be able to inspire confidence in others because he
or she knows what they want, which implies that you know yourself
and have scoped out what you want your slave to be and to do. You're
going to have to share your fantasy master/slave relationship with
your prospects anyway, so this first step in training must happen
if you want to find someone to agree to help you achieve your goals.
I wrote my expectations out, refining them over weeks and then years
until it was fairly comprehensive. Putting your fantasy on paper
will help you to know it, and share it better. Be careful, though,
since what is written will seldom, if ever, become what is lived.
It is only a tool, and has neither the power of law nor scripture.
Let it live, grow and change with you and your understanding of
what you really want.
2.
Understand the real dynamic.
Master/slave relationships are best built on principles, not rules
and regulations. Getting someone to do something, for instance,
works in the short run, getting them to obey is better for the long
term. If you pile high the rules they will stifle both of you and
be quickly discarded anyway. Well thought-out principles, on the
other hand, will stand the test of time. Remember, too, that things
are always what they appear to be. What is he or she thinking? What
is not being said? What are the underlying issues that are affecting
your relationship? When it comes to relationships, superficiality
is our worse enemy. The real dynamic here is that this is a relationship
not a scene and if you treat it as a scene, it will be over in the
morning.
3.
Inspire.
Assuming that you have found the right person, which is not easy
and assumptions are dangerous, you and he or she have to agree that
what you want is what both of you want. Together you must come to
a mutually-shared vision of what it means to be a master, a slave,
and a master and slave in relationship with each other.
It's for that reason that knowing what you want is so important,
since the vision you have you must be able to share. Slaves, of
course, have the same responsibility. Their task, really, is to
find a master who will understand their vision for life and own
it as his own as well. Returning to the idea of dynamic, each is
going to empower the other to attain their own goals.
4.
Communicate your desires.
This step covers both the grand picture and the devil that is in
the details. What does it mean to "clean the
bathroom"? How clean do you want it and what will it look like
when it is cleaned to your satisfaction? How should the slave stand?
More importantly, why does the master want the slave to stand that
way?
Share your desires from their depths. Give reasons, purposes, and
explanations to the best of your ability as to why you want such
and such done in a certain way. Let them know what you‚re thinking,
feeling, and
desiring and why this certain detail is so important. If it's not
important then get over it and let it go.
5.
Teach technique.
Never let a teachable moment pass without sharing the lesson. Remind
the slave as to what is needed on his or her part. Say helpful things
like "Breathe. It'll make the pain less intense," or "This
is the way I like my drink mixed." Unless you give clear instructions
you will never get what you want. The master is required to communicate
his or her desires. Masters who expect their submissives to be mind
readers are
asking for failure.
6.
Reward often. The master/slave relationship, like all
other relationships, is a two-way street. Both of you have to find
pleasure in it. Unless the slave realizes real benefits from his
or her service to you, there will be no incentive to continue. Reward
verbally, especially when it‚s least expected. Praise often.
Use small gestures, touches, and phrases to slip in compliments
and thanks often. Pat his or her ass. Tell him he's done a good
job. Say you liked what you liked.
Allow them their pleasures as well, be it sexual release or cuddle
time or a fancy dinner out. Give to them liberally and they will
return your gift with love and devotion.
7. Communicate your
feelings.
I really do have to emphasize the mind-reading problem. Not only
is it imperative to reward verbally, but it is equally necessary
to let your slave know what is wrong and what behaviors you wished
changed. Be careful not to do so in anger. Instead establish regular
times when you can both discuss the relationship and how
each of your needs can be met. The "your" in the last
sentence is plural. Both of you have needs and all of them need
to be addressed, if not satisfied.
8. Explain when you
train.
We are dealing with humans here, folks. Though there is a component
of training that can be rote, giving reasons will both reinforce
the activity and make it more meaningful to the slave. This step
could also be written as Train holistically." Let your training
include the mind as well as the spirit and the body and every other
aspect of human life.
9. Punish when necessary.
Punishment is never to be done for pleasure. You can take your sadistic
pleasure anytime you want. Punishment is meant to be disincentive
to repetition of the activity. Make it fit the crime, so to speak
and make it rather immediate. Once administered let it be done,
and done forever. Never punish in anger. If you're angry, figure
out why and let your anger be channeled somewhere else in a constructive
way.
10.
Show and share your pride.
Let others know how happy you are with your property. It is a high
form of praise and an excellent reward. Yes, they will blush but
will be pleased anyway. Believe me, slaves need to be pleased. In
fact without giving them their share of pleasure there will be no
slavery. Without slavery, there will be no master.
Have
a great week. You can leave me e-mail at mrjackr@leathermail.com
or
visit my website at "http://www.LeatherViews.com".
Copyright 2002 by Jack
Rinella, all rights reserved.* * * * * *
