cOnfeSSions of aN eNdoRpHin jUnKie: by Alexis Towers © 2005 This article has been chosen not only to demonstrate one aspect of BDSM play but to open up discussion and thought regarding such play. In no way should this serve as some sort of defining standard for what constitutes BDSM play or not nor should it serve as a recommendation to any reader. After discussion, with a partner, mentor, friend or advisor, each person should decide what is best for him or herself. "In giddy delight, she gathered her basket of hand-painted wooden clothespins and headed for the room full of people. She donned pins all over her body in a wide range of colors and people turned their heads when she entered. Dominants and their submissives were adorned in a wide variety of costume. Some wore cleverly-crafted leather outfits and some in simple tunic and some in nothing at all but for their simple black leather collar around the neck. "With her dark curls bobbing, she smiled at the onlookers recognizing both the expressions of intrigue and some of fear that their Masters or Mistresses might want to find out more about the pins that decorated her body. She heard the pleasant clacking of the small pieces of wood knocking as she moved to the center of the room. There she set the basket on the small table and took her position on all fours. She dripped in anticipation of the many orgasms she would have from the strangers who would approach tentatively at first and then more boldly removing and re-attaching pins at their will. She shuddered already on the edge, closing her eyes and listening to herself breathe in small mewing gasps…" -pin__up__girl/2000 ~A Perspective on Clothespins~ It is ironic that we have The Shakers to thank for the wooden clothespin. Yes, I mean those brilliant religious zealots from the early part of American history. And here I am today speaking about those wonderfully wicked and amazingly simple items in terms of BDSM. I am not writing about clothespins from an expert standpoint. I am still experimenting (and having a lot of fun doing it!) at expanding my pain tolerance. However, I think that clothespins are an incredible resource for lifestylers, particularly for online partners who often have to be creative in their interaction. After all, how easy is it to effectively use a crop on oneself. Clothespins allow more freedom in self-induced …um, *giggles* …feelings. As I have always said, I am not into pain. I prefer to think of it as an attraction to sensation. Since pain-tolerance is so widely varied among people, ranging from their experience to their own personal tastes, it would be foolish to generalize anything in terms of pain. As with anything else, you just have to get in there and experiment. For me, it not about how it looks, but how it feels physically and more importantly, how it makes me feel mentally. There are plenty of "how to" sites out there on ideas on how to use clothespins and at the close of this essay, I will offer my favorite sources. And in line with the policy of this page, I have no interest in re-inventing the wheel. I am just here to add my perspective in the hopes that it will inspire, enlighten, or even engage someone For many years, I unknowingly participated in BDSM. <SNICKER>. Well, let me re-state that, my vanilla husband and I were into what we thought were really kinky things (<PAUSE laughter more for>…if only he saw me now…~smiling sweetly~) that we would never dream of admitting. In fact, we rarely talked about it. But the sex was great and when our marriage came to an end, I began to openly explore BDSM. Up until last year, I claimed to only be interested in the D/s side of things. I loved to be controlled both in and out of the bedroom. In fact, it is the only way I know how to have a relationship. I've always taken it very seriously and my desire to please seems to jump clear off the Richter Scale at times. I knew on a very basic level that all was right with the world when I simply handed over the control, which I so often held with a vice-grip, and submitted to someone I trusted. I am a thinker, by nature, so most everything that comes to pass, begins with a fantasy for me. So last year, when a Dom, with whom I had been in regular communication asked me to add clothespins to our play, I naturally balked at the idea. But me being the submissive that I am (and Him being the Dom that He was), acquiesced to His desires. Armed with my safewords, we began down the wooden clothespin road. Much to my surprise, I absolutely fell in love with clothespins. It was painful but it was more than that. It was me standing on the edge of an abyss moving closer and closer, feeling myself held by a thin string to reality that only He controlled. (Now who wouldn't LOVE that?) In working with clothespins now intensely for almost a year, I can offer some insight as to how I work with them. I buy my clothespins at Walmart (a bag of 100 for approximately $3.75 - what a deal~!). The first thing I do is sort my pins. Usually I start this by putting them into three different groups: hard, medium, and soft - in reference to their tension or grip. Often I will find between five and ten that I simply throw out because they have rough splintered edges or are simply broken and unusable. I do not try to make the piles even, instead I sort them as the feel takes me, often testing them on myself as I go along. (Sometimes this can be very distracting and takes far longer than it should …<GRINZ>.) Once the piles are sorted, I then concentrate on one pile at a time, lining them up by tension. I often go back through the pile looking for inconsistencies, sometimes even moving a pin to another group because it was obviously misplaced. Then I take a pencil and lightly number them. Finally, I make them into smaller sub-groups. In the end I usually have about 8-10 small piles of pins all numbered according to their place on my spectrum. Because I have done this many times before, I will then take out samples from my master set and compare the tensions. I color code my pins from dark to light with black being my least intense color and white being my most intense color. This way, as the spring eases from use, I can re-paint them to a more appropriate group. Personally I favor having more dark pins than light ones. So, I generally have a lot more of those on hand. But because the pin manufacturers have no concept of what I am doing at home with these pins, they are often very inconsistent with what shows up in each bag. (Inconsiderate capitalists!) It is a game of chance. Often I have to make adjustments to the tension so that I can have a set of pins I like to use. For those pins I wish to ease, I simply leave them clamped open onto something. The longer they stay open, the more the spring will loosen. Sometimes I leave them open for as long as several days. Occasionally, I have wanted to make a pin tighter and have tried adding a rubber band to increase the tension, but this is awkward IMHO, and I would just as soon lay down another four bucks and find the pin for which I'm looking. I would suggest two other options that I have found very satisfying. Once the pin is on, twisting the pin can be wondrously painful and btw, looks really good too. (Y/you know I've got a big ole Cheshire grin on now, right?) Also, much to my clothespin virgin surprise, I discovered that the pain of putting them on pales in large by the pain of taking them off. ~Yowzie!~ So, for those looking for added *fun*, Y/you might try removing the pins, letting the pain unfold, and then replacing the pins. I can nearly guarantee that you will feel that added tinge of excitement. Once all the pins are as I like them, I paint them. I use the small bottles of craft paint, which can be found anywhere. Sometimes I will add fancy designs (if I am making a set for a friend) or make notches in the wood prior to painting so that their "color" can be felt with the lights off or my eyes shut tight. I have a few that have small buttons glued on them for the same purpose. In play, I can recommend the following for beginners: Move slowly but act purposefully. If Y/you are going to put a pin on, then put it on. If Y/you are unsure of the reaction, choose a less tense pin and pay careful attention to the response. Start with all black pins if need be. This is not a competition nor is there any need to rush or be cruel. Watch your submissive (or yourself) and pay close attention to the response always ready to remove things quickly. Trust that Y/you do NOT want this to be a bad experience or the next time out will be that much more difficult. Remember that perceived pain is much harder to overcome then actual pain. Pin play requires a tender hand which I have found to often be lacking. It requires forethought. For example, if Y/you have been playing roughly and the nipples and/or breasts are raw from biting or the use of a crop or the like, the pin set might be best left in the toy chest for another day. On the other hand, gentle stimulation helps tremendously prior to pin play. I like to be fondled and caressed and when aroused, I get to a point where I am begging for something harder, rougher. This is the point where I like to be when the first pin is clipped to my body. This, of course may be different for someone else. Personally, I think that it might be best to let the submissive put the pins on herself until it is established what tensions work best where. But, that would also depend on the submissive and Dominant and the level of intimacy, pain-tolerance, and trust. It is all about a game of trickery with my body and pin placement on and around my pussy. It is a building of sensation. Almost without fail, if the pins are placed in the following order, I am guaranteed a mind shattering orgasm - clit (done only with a black), inner thighs, and pussy lips for placement and inner thighs, pussy lips and clit for removal. I have never left a pin on my clit longer that five or ten minutes, nor do I recommend anyone does, as I do not want to risk deadening any nerve endings there. However, I have spoke to others who have contrasting opinions so I defer to personal preferences and experience with a recommendation to safety considerations to be held paramount. I have had as many as sixty pins clipped on my body at one time, from head to toe and I would have to say it is an experience worth repeating. On average, I will use approximately twenty - thirty pins in a standard play session focusing on my breasts and pussy, keeping in mind that it originally started with only two. So there Y/you have it! - My description of one item on the smorgasbord. Happy feasting~! Recommended Pin Play "How-To" Sites: * Using Clothespins in BDSM Play Author Unknown http://www.cuffs.com/stories/phil/clothespins.htm This site offers practical advice on how to modify pins and use them in many ways. * BDSM ONLINE's Peg Play Section http://www.bdsm-online.com/play/toys.htm Woohoo~! There are how to articles and links to other places for the pin connoisseur. And for those interested in learning about those fine folks who invented the clothespin… * History of The Shakers http://www.smith.edu/hsc/silk/Papers/ohenewaa.html What more can I say about them but God bless them! Questions to ponder... Do you believe a submissive has any sort of obligation to learn about the care, use, and maintenance of toys or equipment? How so? Or why not? Do you consider yourself knowledgeable in any area of S&M in particular that you would be willing to share with our readers? Have you ever held back your opinion on some form of play because you were too embarrassed or uncomfortable speaking your mind? Looking back, do you think it was the right decision or not and why? As a dominant, have you ever been in a situation where your submissive or play partner knew more about a particular toy or activity than you? Author's Note: "Confessions" has been re-printed here with the expressed permission of the author. It was originally posted at The BDSM Garden , then Kindred Spirits. Nothing has been changed from the original version.. If you are looking for more information about the Shakers, we would suggest visiting Arithmetical Processes of Thought And Action or Revolutionary Designs, Inc. Copyright  © 2005 ( Alexis Towers ) All Rights Reserved.