3.18.2004
This is not what any of you might think it is about... but if you are a submissive, it might be worth your while to read. And probably if you are a Dominant, you might want to read it also.
I am a submissive, been one since i was very young, comes from being raised in a bible thumping male dominated dysfunctional household. Women could offer a suggestion or an idea, but the man made the final decision. When finally escaping from that religion, i was drawn to the world of BDSM because it was something I already knew. It was comfortable. But, because of the dysfunction of myself from the way I was raised, i was on a path of self destruction. Then I met a Dom. Jay took me under his wing away from another very self destructive switch. Jay taught me allot about me. how to make decisions, choices, and to accept the consequences of my actions.
BU T, that doesn't mean i liked the way he did everything. He knew when it was time for me to leave his protection and seek my own way, even though i didn't want to go. He pushed me, he coddled me, and he finally kicked me out of the nest. I was mad, so mad, and other people would talk about how cruel he was, how mean he had treated me. I ate it up because I thought he had been. But, changes, subtle changes were going on in my life. I was taking control. I wasn't afraid of living anymore. Positive things where happening to me. I had a good job and respect, I was winning awards for my performance, i had made new friends and they weren't out to use me.
You know why this happened? Because Jay taught me to stand up. He did it in baby steps and watched me all the way and when I was ready, he pushed me out into the real world, because he knew I could handle it. I am a much more positive person now, and i am achieving some goals that i never thought i would... and don't get me wrong, i am still a submissive, but I choose now when to be submissive and who i am submissive to... and that makes my submission a much bigger gift and much more enjoyable.
Thank you Jay... for giving me, myself back. lynn... aka lil^pet... now the gddessbrat ... because i am
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