i am michael's fka sugar, fka chocolat fka Imani, fka sugar. I've changed my nick several times over the years, but thankfully I can honestly now report that this is the last. About two years ago i returned to my original nick “sugar,” after what seemed to be a long journey along my lifestyle path. It is a name i gave myself actually as a child, while playing around on my stepbrother's CB radio (brown sugar) and then revived in the late 90s on AOL. It took a while for me to settle on that moniker after a few name changes, but returning to it was extremely positive and affirming for me. Many of my lifestyle friends and acquaintances were eternally grateful as no longer did they need to apologize for calling me sugar! Unfortunately for them, but such a blessing to me, my pals are back to apologizing. On May 1, 2005 my Master, Daddy, now husband best friend, and babies' daddy gifted me with the slave-name michael's. Obviously, His name is Michael. At last the place of belonging i have always longed for, believed in, and waited for is mine.

i am in my late-thirties and a true Sagittarius. i am submissive. However, my alter ego, does Top both boys and girls on occasion. i have often referred to myself as an s.m.s., or sadistic-masochistic-submissive. Some would call me a Sswitch. To me i am just me, no label required. It used to be my belief that most of us journeying along in the D/s lifestyle are on a continuum ranging from the most Dominant to the most submissive. Now I have the perspective that there are actually two continuums and one travels down both simultaneously. Where we fall on each continuum may vary based on time of year, month, day or current life circumstances.

my r/l experience began in 1997 when i met my first r/l Master in an aol chat room. i had no knowledge of the lifestyle, however, the life He described spoke strongly to my heart. While growing up i felt i were different from most of my friends. i was always mature for my age. i seemed to feel a duty to always do the right thing, follow rules, and make no waves. I loved to please my parents, teachers, friends and even strangers. As a teenager, i was drawn to boys older than me. i usually chose controlling, possessive guys who abused me mentally and physically. i remember feeling guilty following the abusive episodes because i knew i had provoked the guy. i got off on what i perceived was discipline and probably the pain too. i believe i was a budding masochist with no idea how to get my needs met in healthy ways. They don't teach you that in tenth grade!

After the abrupt conclusion of a two-year relationship with a domineering, abusive guy, i decided i would no longer be the victim. i moved on to healthier relationships, where more times than not, i was the dominant partner. i suppressed my submissive nature and with it my vulnerability. i decided that never again would i allow a man to control me. i exuded strength and power. However, i was also unsatisfied and unfulfilled a great deal of the time.
It was towards the end of my nine-year vanilla marriage that i discovered my dissatisfaction had a lot to do with the unmet need i had to express my submissive nature. As i learned more about BDSM, i realized that i had been struggling for most of my life to suppress my submissiveness as a means of self-protection. It appears that as both a child and young adult, my submissive self was a magnet for abusers. Without the knowledge I now possess regarding submission as strength rather than weakness, i fell victim to several abuses.

i lived for three years as a 24/7 slave to my then Master. i learned a great deal about myself throughout the relationship and even towards its unfortunate end. We spent a great deal of time hashing out our contractual agreement, which included a lot of the day-to-day rules and protocols. i think we paid less attention to the important stuff, like getting to know who each other were as people, man and woman. Additionally we did not take the time to build the trust that a Master/slave arrangement so requires. i know that for me, i initially thought that the desire i had to be his slave would be all i needed. i now know that a D/s relationship isn't about what one reads in a lot of the fiction that's out there. Some aspects of building a healthy D/s alliance are not at all romantic. At the forefront is much introspection and discovery of one's own needs and desires. A sturdy foundation is built with bricks of brute honesty with oneself and one's partner. Learning to communicate openly and effectively is also paramount to the relationship's success. Patience, a willingness to grow, and a sense of humor also go a long way.

Over the years my belief on what is Dominance and submission has evolved quite a bit. i have developed my own little definitions of:

Dominant
a person who leads from a position of strength and power that is obtained from the person(s) who follow, not from a position of *god given right* He not one who states that *you will follow me because I am lord* but says *you will follow Me because I am Your Lord*

submissive
one who seeks to bolster her own strength by giving her power over to one who is trustworthy. she seeks a safe place to submit her flesh, heart, mind and soul, and finds freedom in the cages of His will.

i was pretty active in the Austin scene from 1997 - 2000. In February 1999, i founded Austin subCulture, (AsC), an education and support group for submissives, slaves, bottoms and switches. What started as a group of seven has grown to seventy in just two years. The new best friend i found through the creation of AsC heads up the group today and it continues to thrive. i also served on the board of GWNN aka Group With No Name in 2000. i have participated in many scene events, including serving on a “subs speak out” panel at the NLA-Austin sponsored Texas Leather Pride in 2000. After getting over some nervous jitters and with Daddy J and sunshine's support, i was a student at the Leather Network boy's Training Camp 3, in Dallas in April 2001. this was one of the most powerful and educational experience's i've had in the lifestyle. Now i've obtained even another label for myself… i'm a leather boi! Due to some questionable past experiences and at the suggestion of Daddy J, i researched safer sex practices and wrote an article “Safer Sex and the submissive”. i had the pleasure to travel with Sir and sunshine to Thunder in the Mountains in July 2001 . In October 2001, i relocated to the Houston area, and have enjoyed participating in local groups such as HPEP ,. i am also affiliated with SCANDAL, a group of local artists and writers interested in BDSM and am a founding member of MAsT-H. i still consider myself new to the BDSM and D/s lifestyle and i value the experiences and perspectives of others. In December 2003 i started the Texas chapter of the national group Black Beat (http://blackbeatinc.org), the first nationwide lifestyle organization for and by African-Americans interested in BDSM. In Novemeber 2004 I passed the reigns of Black BEAT Texas over to its new leaders. Daddy J and I then co-founded The Violet Society, an alternative lifestyle group for people of all colors exploring the many flavors of BD/SM, D/s and M/s. We felt strongly that the Houston community would benefit from a group who's purpose was to provide an inclusive and welcoming environment for people of all cultures and backgrounds. i also plan to continue to research and write on topics that interest me, which i hope will also benefit others.

i enjoy formal service, ritual and protocol. i am a moderate painslut. i love to fly. Spanking, caning, and flogging really get my attention. i have also explored fireplay, cupping, and i adore bondage. Thanks to my training with Daddy J, i am now a slut for needles. i am less fond of electroplay and singletails, although i will willingly submit to these for Master. Although i've dabbled, i would like more experiences with breath control, caging, and hoods. More than the actual physical sensations experienced during a scene, i get off on the energy and bond created between Daddy and myself. An intense scene can be extremely spiritual for me. Likewise when in service, i become focused and peaceful. i encounter feelings of belonging i have always wished for.

In 2003 I completed training with Daddy J. He remains a dear friend who has earned and will always have my deepest respect. Training in Sir's home did more for me than my vocabulary can articulate. i truly believe that i am a better woman, mother, submissive, human because of it. Not only did i sharpen my service-oriented skills, but i learned how to be more honest with myself, and with others. i further explored my limits and learned to be comfortable with having some. i learned that safewords are ok, that its ok to be vulnerable, and ok to be little, crying's alright, healthy even. i learned how to say i'm sorry, and how to forgive. Thank You Sir. i love You. Thank you sunshiny for being so kind and patient, for sharing, for handmade cards, and for all the hugs. i know there was more Wwe had planned, but i promise i won't stop here.

For about 16 months I did the BDSM single/dating thing. It was extremely rewarding, frustrating, eye-opening, and limit expanding all at once. It was the first time in my adult life, I had not been in a monogomous, committed relationship. What I learned, to my benefit, is that I no longer had this list of specific prerequisites for the person I would choose as my partner. I mean I kept a few of the basics. I preferred a male, with good physical and mental health, financially and emotionally stable, etc. However, no longer did He have to be this type of “Master” or this type of “sadist.” Through a very special relationship, I learned that indeed I “can” submit to the same person who kneels to me. That incorporating BDSM activities into a mostly romantically based relationship is very satisfying for me. I also came to accept the fact that by nature, I am not monogomous. Do I consider myself no longer a serious lifestyler because of these revelations? Not at all. I just feel I am better integrated in my BDSM walk than I have ever been before. My Daddy now needed to know that I had recently purchased a motorbike and am learning to ride, I love to shoot pool and listen to the blues, I love to go to art galleries, and shopping for shoes. I am very comfortable being both submissive and Dominant, although I believe I will forever possess a slave's heart. These new insights gained would play an important role in the evolution of my relationship with Daddy.

In February 2005, Daddy responded to the personals ad I placed on yahoo which was required in order to take their personality profile test. I instantly connected with the sincerity in His query, but also the eloquence of His writing. We emailed each other everyday and I found myself revealing parts of me I had locked away for safe keeping. We were “just” friends for a while and He entertained tales of my dating drama. He was direct and eventually informed me he did not intend to remain just my friend. I laughed and said if He knew “everything” He couldn't possibly handle “all this.” I had not yet come out as a kinky person and honestly thought I might run him off. He is such a gentle soul, so different from who I thought was the “Master of my dreams.” Well He laughed right back and simply said ,“try Me.” So I did. I sent him the link to this page, the Violet Society page, and the podcast to my guest spot on Mistress Max Rulz's Afterhours show on KPFTX. To my utter surprise, He did not run for the hills, but embraced all of me. Just a few short months later, I was collared, re-named, engaged, married, and placed in the ultimate predicament bondage-preggo with twins!

It's a beautiful thing being in love with the one You serve. My path along this journey has been filled with so many hills and valleys, twists and turns; i look forward to paving my way further, hand in hand with Daddy.

i always welcome intelligent discourse on BDSM issues. You are more than welcome to drop me a line. i will try to help in anyway i can.

Be well, play safe
–michael's