sunshine shares

sunshine is the scene / pen name for a real life submissive I have had the honor of claiming since fall of 1998. Her recent writings have begun sharing some interesting views of Domination and submission.

2/7/99

Sir's Preface: Recently someone suggested that with all the changes in my life, it might not be a good time for me to be Dominating someone. I pointed out that Domination is not an act or a set of leathers one dons when in the mood, but an attitude, a way of life. When in a relationship where a submissive depends on you to keep your end of the "bargain" it is a responsibility. A parent must be a parent on tough days even when other elements tug at their mind and heart. A lawyer MUST represent his or her client, even when there is much that might distract. So it is with Dominance. It is as much a duty as it is a role or a mindset. In sharing my discussion with sunshine she wrote back some interesting words wort sharing on the subject.

i've been thinking about what your friend said....about how she thinks You should quit Dominating for awhile. You know i have to chew on this stuff before i can really say anything cohesive.

To me, one of the keys here is in the phrasing. "Dominating" as a verb form, indicative of something You do. D/s is not something one does, it is something one IS. unless of course they just enjoy the play aspect or the game of it all. being a Dominant is who You are. If You gave up D/s, You would still be a Dom. and not having a real channel for it, it might come out sideways, or inappropriately.

Remember my uncomfortable interview dinner with your wife and submissive? i said that D/s was a safe way for me to express my submissive nature, rather than being with an insecure, controlling jerk. It's a safe structure for me to exist. i have one place where i focus that part of me, and no one can take advantage of it or misuse me.

Yes, You are going through many changes right now. They're wonderful, positive growth things. i'm so happy about the things i hear You saying, about not repeating bad relationships and not having to fix everyone, and making Yourself happy. All of these transitions will enhance Your Dominance, not detract from it. When so many things are happening for You, to me it only makes sense to rely on the things that are stable and continuous in Your life, and one of those things is being a Dom. To me, in this girl's humble opinion, You are becoming more of a Master during these times. Your energy is strong and nuturing and safe.

So, if You want to forward that on to anyone, feel free. :) i'm sorry i couldn't say all that in the van saturday night, words just don't flow from me as easily and beautifully as they do from You. i have to piece things together in my mind or on paper before i can talk about them.

2/11/00

Sir's note: This week I took on the task of working with a long time friend as prepares herself for the dominante she hopes to find someday. I have know this woman to be restless, and bratty, flighty and insolent. capable of grubling at tasks, or pouting, or even beligerant or challanging. It isn't my nature as a rule to take on high maintenance folks, but I have agreed to share with this woman, things I know and she should be aware of in her journey through this Lifestyle. I shared with sunshine some of the challenges and outward behaviors demonstrated in the short time I have given this woman a few introductory tasks and directives. Here in sunshine's words.

i was thinking this morning about submission and about how i see others going about it. i was thinking about my version as opposed to others, and what the difference was. several years ago, i might have been just as callous or resistant or plain rude as well. even a year ago i was telling angela how i was afraid that i was too willful to be a submissive. i thought about submission a lot before i ever went to my first real community meeting. i used to try and manipulate boyfriends into being a Dominant for me, which was quite non-consensual.

i realized that what i want most is to share that soft and sweet and gentle side with someone who is not going to take advantage of it. i think that women have that side, but after so many times of someone taking it for granted, it becomes something we feel we have to guard and protect with harsh words and actions.

but in a D/s relationship, where the first rule of the submissive is absolute trust, i have found that You would never take me for granted. i feel like a beautiful gem, shining for You. You take me out and polish off the dust and hold me in Your hand and smile and i can't help but sparkle back for You and be something pleasing for You. so i believe that a lot of these peoples' actions are fear based, and maybe they just aren't ready yet for the seriousness of D/s.

i think that service requires a lot of dedication and trust. i really think it's much akin to worship. i worried at first about transferring such a complete trust as i have in God (Goddess, Krishna, Buddha - the faith du jour) to a human. but it has been the best thing in the world for me to put absolute trust in something outside of myself.

in AA they say to believe in a power greater than yourself to help you. it can be a doorknob, but it just can't be you. and putting that kind of faith in You has given me such a sense of peace. anxiety still eats at me, but for a lot of things, i know with all my heart that i can give it to You and You will take care of it for me. what a security that is! i can wrap myself up in it like a blanket and know that i am safe.