Take
a Dip in the Reality Pool
screamer@mbay.net
For those of us who came of age
in BDSM in the computer age, there seems to be some discrepancies
between the realities and the fantasies of this lifestyle.
I'm your Auntie Screamer, and I'm
here to help clear those up for you. Pay attention. I'm only
going to say this once.
1. "You do have rights. You
have the right to walk away. If you believe otherwise, it's
time for a dip in the reality pool."
2. "No one can keep up a 24/7 lifestyle for long without
a break for comedy relief, and a swift dose of kids, family,
work and car problems."
3. "No man has an erection continuously. Unless they're
priaptic, in which case, a doctor's visit is in order."
4. "There is such a thing as PMS, and no amount of Domming
is going to make it go away."
5. "A chainsaw is not a sex toy."
6. "Your cyber safeword is the off button on the front
of your computer. Use it."
7. "There *is* going to be a time when you don't feel like
having sex. It *does* happen. Prepare yourself mentally for
it."
8. "24/7 is not a myth. 24/7 in chains, naked and kneeling
is."
9. "There will come a time when you see your Dominant scratching
himself, belching and in need of a shower. Prepare yourself
for that as well."
10. "No one understands your collar but you. Showing it
off at Safeway isn't exactly a statement."
11. "The distance is not insurmountable. It is inconvenient
and irritating, and it will grate on your nerves unless you
fill your time with other things."
12. "Eventually, you're going to have to take those cuffs
off to take the kids to the doctor. Get used to it."
13. "Speaking of doctors, tell yours what you're into,
or be prepared to deal with social services on a regular basis."
14. "You really don't need another flogger. What you need
is a new microwaves and a pair of hundred dollar tennis shoes
for your teenager. Know when to say when to the toy bag."
15. "People get sick. People die. Use a condom, please,
unless you've been tested twice in the last year, and so has
your partner."
16. "Don't walk away from your friends. You might well
need them later, when your dream Dominant turns into a frog."
17. "If you want something, ask. Ask respectfully, ask
in role, ask in good faith. But ask. If you don't, chances are,
you ain't gonna get it."
18. "Just because you call yourself a slave doesn't mean
that others will agree with your definition. Be prepared to
defend your views, but don't bark at others for their opinions.
They have a right to them, same as you do."
19. "Don't believe everything you read, especially if it
comes from John Norman."
20. "Just because the screen name says Master doesn't mean
he is one."
21. "Find a way to orgasm without BDSM. You may need that
someday."
22. "Safecalls work. Use them."
23. "There are things you won't do. Trust me. Maybe you
just haven't been asked to do them yet."
24. "This ain't always all about sex. Don't expect to get
a nut every time you play. Then you won't be disappointed when
it happens to you. Orgasms are nice, but not mandatory."
25. "People are not always nice. You will not play at every
party you attend. You will get hurt non-consensually sometimes."
26. "Your Dominant is not a mind reader."
27. "Forever is not as long as you might think. Sometimes,
it's just until she changes her mind again."
28. "The Mistress is not always dressed in thigh highs
and hose. The Dominant does not always have his flogger nearby.
Sometimes, it's time for sweat pants and hot cocoa."
29. "An argument is not the end of the world. Not resolving
it, however, might be."
30. "Sometimes, a fuck is just a fuck. A beating is just
a beating. And a kiss is just a kiss. Enjoy it, remember it,
and move along."
I hope you've enjoyed your dip in
the reality pool. Wipe your feet before going back in the house,
and don't drip on my new parquet floors.
Enjoy Life's Pleasure's
and Pain's
© Copyright 1999, Screamer
All Rights Reserved,
reposted with specific permission.
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