On Regaining Self esteem........3/
16 /98
This lesson is a natural
continuation of a disussion found in a previous log here.
Begin at nytechild breaks
down walls to follow the full thread
Skip down to nytechild finds her self esteem 3/
20 /98 An assignment fulfilled.
-
Log file opened at: 3/18/98 10:19:48 AM
OpusMagister- asks nyte to disrobe her and serve nude...
nytechild stirs the bazi with her pinky to add the right
amount of sweetness before lifting the tray and softly walks
back into the room....
OpusMagister- smiles
nytechild: this one kneels quickly begging for forgiveness
as she can not dis robe MyLady
OpusMagister- nods and understands
OpusMagister- smiles
nytechild: MyLady shall this one continue
OpusMagist: no nyte you are dismissed
Loch`lin nods to Bad..nice channel here
nytechild: this one rises and kneels on the furs..
Bad^: nyte now that you are free I wish your attentions.
nytechild: yes Master Bad^
Loch`lin: the girls here are lovely
Loch`lin: and very smart
OpusMagist: ye strue
Bad^: They are true blessings.
Loch`lin nods
Loch`lin: indeed they are
OpusMagist: i leave
OpusMagist: :) thank you for servce
nytechild crawls over to Master Bad and kneels in front of
him thighs open wide... hands palms up on them, head held
high, eyes lowered, back straight
Bad^: No child. I cannot accept your service as Dungeon Master
of this place but please sit at ease and do not avert your
eyes.
nytechild this one kneels down crossing her ankles and resting
her bum on them.... holding a steady gaze at the channel
Bad^: You still hold pain in your heart.
nytechild: Master Bad^ this ones heart has been ripped from
her
Bad^: I must ask you to work with me here this morning. For
mending of the heart begins in the head and you are a most
intelligent woman.
nytechild: this one blushes deeply
Bad^: There was a time you were proud and eager and so pleased
to have discovered this lifestyle nyte?
Bad^: david may I offer a suggestion?
nytechild: yes Master Bad^ this one is still pleased with
this lyfestyle
Bad^: No nyte your heart has been darkened.... would you
agree?
lil^pet directs davvid to serve Bad^ first.. he is owner
of the channel
nytechild: yes MAster Bad^
Bad^: Someone has stolen your Joy nytechild. A thief of hearts
is a most haenous rougue amonsgt the forces of evil.
nytechild: this one lowers her head in shame
Bad^: nyte do you feel a submission is something granted
or snatched?
nytechild: Master Bad^ this one feels a submission is given
freely
Bad^: without thought or caution?
nytechild: no Master Bad^ there is always thought and caution
Bad^: In fact you select and contract very carefully before
you commit your being don't you. And use safewords lest there
be some mis understanding or differences?
Bad^: You could be dead meat under the freeway without these
boundaries.
nytechild: this one hangs her head in shame for with this
one there was no contract..... safe words where given but
never had to use them
Bad^: nyte.. there is always a contract. Not written
words but a meeting of the minds that both will perform in
certain ways.
nytechild: 8giggles frogive me ?Master
Bad^: no need.
nytechild: yes a contract a verbal one that I would address
him as such and act in a way that pleased him...
Bad^: and you would trust him to care and lead and stretch
you.
nytechild: yes Master Bad^ this one did just that
Bad^: My point is. You granted him submission. You gave him
your all. But you gave him something else you had no right
too it is outside the boundaries of ALL contracts.
nytechild: this one gave him her soul....
Bad^: You had no right to allow him to walk off with your
self esteem. Your sense of self worth.
Bad^: No your soul belongs to only one supreme Dom. we play
with these bodies and spirits while on earth. It feels like
you may have given your soul... but you don't have that power.
nytechild: this one believed that he loved me.... this one
trusted completely....
Bad^: Are you following this?
nytechild: yes Master Bad^
Bad^: You cannot deal in "LOVE" until you have
love for yourself.
Bad^: If I told you I loved a woman and would do anything
for her that sounds so passionate.. yes?
lil^pet: greetings NgtHawk
Bad^: This woman shits on me... treats me poorly and hurts
me to my core.... still I try to please her.
nytechild: greetings gent
Bad^: nyte I contend I am in love with this woman and she
contend she cares for me.
nytechild: Master Bad^ please go on
Bad^: But there is a flaw.. isn't there?
nytechild: seems not much trust or worth
Bad^: She can never really care for me nurture me or enjoy
who I am... because I have ceased to BE me. I have stopped
loving myself.
Bad^: this is a difficult notion to get so lets pause here
and tell me if you are "gettin" it.
nytechild: Master Bad^ this one is getting it and has a whole
lot of soul searchin to do to find ehrself again and begin
to love herself again...
Bad^: Exactly!
Bad^: You cannot love anyone until you love yourself. I had
so much trouble "gettin" it my self. But to LOVE
someone means being present and acounted for and alive and
vibrant.
truegent nods in agreement with Bad
nytechild: this one lifts her head and holds it high.....
she has learnd a valued lesson today Master Bad^
Bad^: Often, old pains, ghosts from the past.... preprogrammed
hurts and life scripts send us off into our dealings with
others, with flaws.
Bad^: We seem stuck on a rat wheel of hurt and abandonment
finding one then another who we can attach this crap to. Unfurtunately
that often dovetails well with those who have a need to hurt
and the skill to set such traps.
Bad^: None of this is either Dominance or submission in its
finest clothing.
nytechild: this one does not want to be like that Master
Bad^
Bad^: the real saving grace of this "lost" self
esteem crisis... is that it can be regenerated.
Bad^: for me.... I never knew it so I had to sow and irrigate
and fertilize it from scratch.
nytechild: twill take some time Master Bad^ and this one
is willing to work really hard
Bad^: nyte do you have children?
nytechild: yes Master Bad^ four boys
Bad^: Do you sense the supreme Dom has smiled on you?
nytechild: supreme Dom meaning the one who created me???
Bad^: Yes. the one we all work to please.
nytechild: yes this one feels the Supreme Dom had smiled
on me ...
Bad^: Then you have no right to take anything away from his
work in you. You have a mandate to be al you can be for this
tiny slice of time here.
nytechild: yes Master Bad^
Bad^: Nyte you are a most precious gift to this planet.
Bad^: When you grant a submission it isn't selling your soul.
Bad^: though you may be overwhelmed with the immersion in
service at times.
Bad^: I asked you to sit before me today not to kneel. I
Hope you will hold your head high in my presence but I ask
you to grant me one submission.
nytechild: a girl is here ot please you Master Bad^
krysanni sighs wishing she had the beginning of this conversation
Bad^: I want you to scribe a resume of your glory.
Bad^: I want a long list of the things that make you a wonderful
person.
lil^pet: hugs hugs hugs hugs < < Bad^ > > hugs
hugs hugs hugs
Bad^: And I don't just want the item I want the reason or
an adjective.
nytechild: Master Bad^ is there a time in which I have to
do this service?
Bad^: Example:
truegent thinks that should be easy, sis. He can think of
a page of things right off the top of his head.
Bad^: I am a wonderful Mom. I listen and care deeply for
my boys.
nytechild smiles and blushes deeply at gent
Bad^: Yes truegent so can I but the trick to this assignment
is it must come from weithin her. She has lost her sense of
self.
* lil^pet: welcome to the channel
Bad^: nyte: do you really beleive you can do this? Do you
beleive you are a good person and a fine woman?
truegent nods. 'You are correct, Sir'
nytechild: Master Bad^ this one will do a deep heart and
soul search, to find the loving person inside her again.....
I know I can Master Bad^ just have to find the good again
Bad^: It is not hard to see child.
nytechild: this one wipes a tear from her eyes....
Bad^: Supreme Dom has done glorious work in you. Bask in
this knowledge.
Bad^: I will examine your list friday morning.
nytechild: Master Bad^ thank you :)
lil^pet smiles..
Bad^: Darlin, I know this is not an easy task. But I know
you wish to please me, and in doing so you will grow.
nytechild: Master Bad^ tis what needs to be done :)
Bad^: The floor is open to comments. Permission to speak
freely subs.
lil^pet whispers to Peter.. its the former MsTryst..
nytechild: greetings Master Tiwi
nytechild: may this one rise to give Master Bad^ a hug?
Bad^: Always.
nytechild rises standing in front of Master Bad^ extending
her arms wrapping him warmly in a deep hug :)
Bad^: YEOW MAMA! whatta hug!!!!!
nytechild this one then moves to hug her sis lil thank you
sis :) then over to gent hugging him tight :))
Bad^: I love a good hug fest!
truegent always loves a hug from nyte
lil^pet hugs everybody..
nytechild: this one blushes deeply
lil^pet: just cuz i like the warm bodies
lil^pet giggles
Bad^: truegent I know you care for nyte as subs tend to do.
Be sure to understand she needs to find these good thing from
within. Question her don't feed her compliments. Let her tell
YOU why she is awesome if you wish to help her in this work.
truegent does an imitation of a wet dead fish
truegent thinks that sounds very good, Sir
Bad^: nyte.. may I have your permission to post this to our
page. again it is a lesson many might benefit from.
lil^pet giggles.. slinks over to krysanni and snuggle hugs
her.
truegent loves the way lil^pet slinks :-P
nytechild: yes Master Bad^ :)
Log file closed at: 3/18/98 11:55:03 AM
If
people can be hurt here in this cyber space.... so too can
they be mended. - Bad^ 1998
Nytechild fulfilled her assignment
in fine style Friday morning to the delight of the channel
Here i is the Log of that work.
Log file opened at: 3/20/98 10:04:59 AM
*** Topic for #D/s_subStation: The sub's Station, D/s no
BS. http://members.aol.com/MrBadSir/bad/substation.htm
*** nytechild (nytechild@204.252.96.216) has joined channel
#D/S_subStation
black^hart has read a little of nytes work Sir, tis fabulous
:) which i believe i stopped by to tell her one night/day
:)
nytechild: Master Bad^ this one has completed her assignment
:)
Bad^: Good, nyte let me ask you before you present your work.
Are you changed for it?
nytechild: Oh Yes Master Bad^ :))))) I truely can say that
I do not diswlike my self any more :))
Bad^: Excellent. so we have empowered you and taken his crap
away to a degree?
lil^pet applauds happily
nytechild: this one has learned alot from the soul seazrching
she did
Bad^: there is a lot to love isn't there? I bet it was hard
a t first.
Bad^: I cannot wait to see!
black^hart: Bad Sir, there is something different about my
bio???
nytechild: yeppers Master Bad^!!!
Bad^: You know this is all lilpets fault She was so worried
about you and your self esteem.
monae listens with interest to the talk between nytechild
and the master
nytechild: this one typed it in the note book I can send
you the text or would it please you for me to reveal what
I learned here in the channel
lil^pet smiles
lil^pet willingly takes the blame for this!!!
monae: Sir Bad may a girl asked what her sister had to do
to improve her self esteem?
Bad^: nyte please share your work here I will take it a s
a text file in DCC later.
Bad^: monae you need to see our web site. the work nyechild
is doing is awesome and avalaible for you t review.
monae: thank you sir .. it is a point that i work on continuously
Bad^: We all do monae but nyte is DOINg amazing work.
nytechild: Master shall I piece each worth seperate?
Bad^: Yes post one then the next we will sit quiet.
nytechild: I am a great Mom because I love my children with
all of me, I listen to them carefully and I am always here
for them to talk to, I take them places to further their education
and exspand thier minds to the arts. I help them out to the
best of my knowledge with their school work, I help them out
in Boy Scouts, and in their daily life I install politeness
and manners, teach them to be gentle and kind but to be strong
enough to be able to stand up
nytechild: I am a great Wife because I up hold my vows to
my husband I love him as I love no other, with the exception
of one and that is my creator. I submitt to my husband as
he submitts to me, I hold his heart as I hold my own heart
never to break it. I am a good wife because I trust my husband
completely in all things, I communicate my deepest feelings
to him so that he may understand what is happening with me.
I am a good Wife because I LOVE MYSELF!
nytechild: I am a good Caregiver to others because I love
to help people. To see thier eyes shine when someone takes
the extra time to give them love, or physical help or just
a friendly smile, does a good thing to me, it makes me smile
:). I make it an effort to help someone everyday weather it
be running errands for a sick friend or just visiting a person
in need. It helps me because it is what helps build the natural
caring part of my heart... I am a
nytechild: I am a good Cub Leader to the little cubs that
I work with once a week because it gives me a chance to see
them grow to be good people, I teach them to be honest, friendly,
courtesy and kind, loving, reverent, trustworthy, clean. I
help them learn what is in their community and around them
in the world... These little ones are precious to me because
I give them a part of my heart each time I work with them....
I do this because I LOVE MYSELF!!
nytechild: I am a good Treasurer, I keep all records neat
and organized, I make all the arrangements of alot of the
fundraisers that the our company does, I keep the bank book
well balanced.... I keep track of all who pay their dues,
and who pays for their trips, I keep track of all who earns
fundraising money.... I do this because it allows me to share
my experience, to help our company. I do this because I love
to be part of things... I do this because
nytechild: I am a great Seamstress because I can sew to perfection
most anything that I desire, I love to please people when
I sew and I get rewarded greatly with the smiles of pleasure
when people see my work. I have done many custome outfits
for various affairs. I love to sew it gives me peace of mind
when there is no noise but the hum of the sewing machine....
I Sew for myself and others because I LOVE MYSELF!!!
nytechild: I am a great Artist and Designer because I love
to draw and design clothing.... I love to to sketch the sunsets
and the sun rises over the mountain where I live, it keeps
my soul tranquile and at rest..... In my fashion designs people
see me in them a spark of perfection and good quality work....
I pour out my heart and reveal my inner stirrings in my sketches
so that people will know me through them.... I do all this
because I LOVE MYSELF!!!
[] -> :
nytechild: I have a wonderful Singing voice and I use it
to sing praises to the one who created me. Through college
I have had many solo's with the voice that God gave me and
I truely sound like the angels above when I sing to my heart
content. I also play and study an Instrument. I am striving
to master the technics I need to play to perfection and I
am completing that task with joy.... I love to express my
self through music and movements. I sing and pl
nytechild: I am a great Writer of Stories and Poems... in
each piece I do there is a part of me I give to others...
I express my truly inner thoughts with out hesitation...In
my writings many see the good some see the bad but all in
all it is from the heart and the deepest part of my soul....
I cry many times when I am moved to write, whether it be a
poem or short story, depending on the content of the material
I am writing I have to be careful to expres
nytechild: to feel their hugs when they are done reading
what was written..... I write alot and in doing so I LOVE
MYSELF!!!
nytechild: I am a great Lover. I love making love deep passionate
love, but to only the one I am committed with. There is not
much that I would not do to please my lover. I do it to please
him, and in return I get pleased and loved deeply. As being
a lover I trust my partner completely, we have a deep communication
that has formed from our love, I am tender and gentle at times
but other times I am wild and well not so tender but all that
I do is from love
nytechild: I am a great Submissive, though I am learning
to be better I am always willing to learn and try new things...
When I am serving it gives me pleasure in my heart and soul,
and I have learned that giving this pleasure I still remain
the keeper of my heart but the supreme God holds my soul.....
In my submission I do my best to please, I take what ever
punishment that is given if it has a good cause, I don't leave
myself open for abuse and punishin
nytechild: I am a loving and gentle submissive one who gets
as much pleasure out of pleasing and serving as the reciever
of these from me... I am a strong person but have been knocked
around at times and have lost my balance, but has regained
her strength and has resumed to be balanced again... In being
Submissive not only to myself but to others has helped me
learn to LOVE MYSELF!!!!!
nytechild: There now you all have me!!!!!!
lil^pet hugs nyte tight..
monae: thank you sis .. i can releate to loss of balance...
you have done a lot of work
nytechild this one smiles and blushes
black^hart cries at the beauty and ability to love herself
in such thing.......but.....what if we have no such tings
to love ourselves for???
lil^pet: blackie..
lil^pet: we all have things to love in ourselves..
nytechild: blackie there is alsways something to love your
self for sis
nytechild: there is good in everyone.....
black^hart: nyte, that is so fabulous! you should be deeply
happy with you sis :)
lil^pet: blackie..
Bad^: You have done good work here nyte.
Bad^: I am beaming with pride Honestly.
lil^pet: look at the pic you have on your bio, and tell me
there is nothing there of yourself you love..
black^hart is so thrilled to see.....that you see so much
good in yourself nyte! one day, i truly hope to see that in
myself also
lil^pet hugs nyte again..
lil^pet: oh sweetie... you are so wonderful..
nytechild: blackie this has taken a darken and broken self
to see this
black^hart: and...i truly believe i can do that mostly by
finding someone to take control of my life
Bad^: nyte You are awesome. <Bad hugs her tightly>
black^hart *is* so dark and broken nyte
nytechild: and yout of it blackie you will prevail !!!!!
lil^pet hugs blackie..
Bad^: dark and broken is only a startig point. right nyte.
black^hart thanks nyte for sharing that *big hugs*
monae wanders off to think and gaze through the window
lil^pet: you dont feel broken.. but.. we are all here.. and
will help you find the glue..
monae: we must find our own glue black hart not relie on
external control
nytechild: yes Master Bad^ tis only a start to many wonderful
feelings
monae: tis a hard task
Bad^: nyte I have one more assignment in this vein.
black^hart: true nyte, but....i've tried for so long.....sigh
black^hart: damnit, i'm getting all soppy and stuff now
Bad^: black if you trust here... you will grow here.
black^hart: thank You Bad Sir
nytechild: Master Bad^ and that being???
Bad^: you will keep a pad by your bedside... and each night
before you sleep wirte five things ....
Bad^: five things the day contained that you are grateful
for.
nytechild: will do Master Bad^
Bad^: Pick a nice book and you will have a collection of
gratitude . ON days you really cannot find 5 new things consider
your health and family etc....
Bad^: Focus on the abundance rather
then the lack in your life you will be designing a new blueprint
for your future.
ldyvicki: nyte that is amazing, i am touched and proud to
see how far you have come
nytechild: May this one share a poem she wrote just yesterday?
Bad^: PLease do.
To feel totally in love again... for you will my heart beat...
not just for a short while but forever will I be the same...
Over and Over I have refused you.. not letting you close,
my world would still be dark had I not found this place...
Your words they ring so loud in my ears... tis like I've
been gone for years...
How could I think our love was wrong, when its to be with
you that I long...
To hold you in such away that it takes away all our dismay...
I have found my true love once again, now and forever it
shall remain.
Our hearts to beat as one, as it was meant to be, for my
words can not express my love for thee...
Only time will tell if this is love or just a living hell...
this must be true love, it seems as sent by a dove, tender
and kind but passionate and wild, this love is only one of
a kind...
As our bodies melt together making our love completer than
ever...
When you place your hands on my cheeks you make my knees
go weak...
When your lips touch mine oh how devine... tis like sweet
wine fresh from the vine...
Oh Darling if you ever knew how I have loved you...
It is now for you to see, that you and I were meant to be,
for if a rose is not red, then maybe blue cause that is how
I feel with out you...
The smell of a rose so fresh and white, reminds me of a love
so lively and bright...
MY heart feels like its been touched by the warmest rays
of Sunlight...
lil^pet applauds
lil^pet: that is beautiful nyte
nytechild: thanks sis :) blushing
black^hart: that is beautiful nyte........
lil^pet beams with pride and joy at nyte
Bad^: Thank you
Master^Pla: lil pet its not a demon i think a god that does
that
nytechild: Master Bad^ this one has been bubbling inside
since she started this assignment :)
lil^pet: no... its gotta be a demon.. cuz it only eats ONE.
and leaves one..
Bad^: nyte you can post me your gratitudes each day. MrBadSir@aol.com
lil^pet: blackie... your heart is beautiful to me
black^hart laughs, i do know about that lilpet
Bad^: Or hold them private if you prefer.
Bad^: May I have permission to share your work today on the
web site?
black^hart: sadlly true.....
ldyvicki: blackie you heart contains much beauty...open your
self up to it and see
nytechild: this one would be proud to share with you MasterBad^
black^hart moves away.....oh lilpet, thank you........but......
nytechild: yes Master Bad^ you may share there is a great
lesson to learn for many
Bad^: I also have anothe rrequerst nyte ... I wish to retitle
your first log so that more will be drawn to see your work....
Master^Pla: black come on now think positive about yourself
and your heart
lil^pet smiles at blackie.. it is true..
nytechild: Master Bad^ you may change the title of the log
to what you wish
Bad^: nyte Iwish to call your part of the first log. Too
Fat for I think it w draw many to the reading and learning.
Only with your permission....
Bad^: Perhaps there is another title?
nytechild: ummmmmmmm you may for I know that I am PHAT!!!
nytechild: pretty hot and tempting!!! LOL
lil^pet: i am BORROWING that nyte
lil^pet: I LIKE IT
lil^pet: PHAT.. giggle... Pretty Hot And Tempting..
Bad^: nyte I just scrolled back and saw your poem I think
we need to make you your own page. you have much to say. Do
you have web space on your ISP?
Bad^: It is a good writing. I am glad you share with us.
Thank you.
Bad^: pet can you thik of a title that would draw folks to
it better? Breaking down the walls is good if you understand
it but it doesn't bring people into the tent ya think?
black^hart thanks nyte too
Bad^: PLease email me directly. MrBadsir@aol.com.
lil^pet: i like TooFat
lil^pet: i would read it.. because of the title..
lil^pet: because i relate to it..
Bad^: nyte you can send me your gratitudes. ( Wonderful mail
I bet)
nytechild: TooFat is fine Master Bad^
Bad^: Thanks nyte
nytechild: blush
Bad^: nyte one question.... are you too fat?
black^hart laughs.....breaking down the walls is very good
nytechild: NO Master Bad^!!!
Bad^: Excellent. I am so pleased.
nytechild: be well Master Bad^ kissing you softly on the
cheek :)
lil^pet hugs nyte..
Bad^: Gawd I love the work you do nytechild you are inspiration
to us all!
Bad^: Bad^ dreams ladies.
Log file closed at: 3/20/98 12:16:08 PM
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