The Mischief Pages
mischief is a playful woman who
also has a penchant for D/s. Her letter introduces her better than I
can and the dialog that ensues in our mail exchange posted here covers
a lot of real life ground.
2/4/99
MrBadSir
well.. I don't think I can truly give You the
credit You deserve! I love Your sight Sir..and have bookmarked it that
my Husband/Master may read it as well. I especially liked where You
talked about the fact that D/s does not mean enhanced sex..that is just
a added bonus really. Our life since we embarked the lifestyle has changed
dramatically and people see it..not only do they see it but they want
to know what we have that makes our marriage work. We laugh and say
you wouldn't believe us if we told you..but sadly it's true. Many consider
any discussion of D/s as a perverted form of sex or really awesome if
you can find some slut to listen to you. My husbands confidence ..patience...
self esteem... and love ..have tripled since we really started living
D/s about 9 months ago.
I won't go into how we started n all that 2 years
ago, suffice it to say that it has turned our marriage 180 degrees and
we love it. After 11 years of marriage , 5 children..add that to the
fact we married young..people still are amazed we made it through hell..
we both know that it is because we saw something deeper in each other
and have finally explored and embraced it lovingly and we cherish it
and each other. Not enough is talked about that I have seen yet on this
subject but I have hopes to change that ;)
I also would love to hear of other couples stories
on how D/s changed there lives out of the sexual context so if You know
of anyone feel free to share my E-mail addy with them . And now ^Bad
Sir i guess i should tell You who i am ;) it is i mischief^ whom You
met the other night on the handcuffs server. i do apologize for not
getting to You sooner but thankfully it is still today so i haven't
told You a lie ;) it has just been a very hectic day
*sighhh*
I have never been good at talking about myself but i am learning to
get over that...one kind of has too if they plan to visit IRC for any
length of time lol. But You asked my interests in D/s... well i think
i sort of gave You an idea with the above comments... heehee.. but onward....
on
the sexual side... i do not do or like anal play with anyone but my
husband. i am still new at this so there isn't much that i have 'used'
so to say..we just used a blindfold for the first time and a vibe wow
is all i can say ... bondage is very light so far we don't want to push
we want to learn.And we have mostly just explored D/s outside of sex
and in our daily lives instead..see i am a huuuuge smart alek..always
have been hopefully always won't be but will be able to keep my sense
of humor
lol....
We have been applying D/s to ... what ways we
talk to each other .... interact etc. it is a lil bit hard to explain
but we thought we should first put Him first. I have always tried to
wear the pants so to say and take care of us...so it has been a long
road of letting that go.... but i am glad that He now is truly the 'head
of our household' we hold and held that more important than sexual D/s..heck
anyone can have great sex Ya know?
We are also Christians. So that was another reason
for wanting to put Him in His place. We put the Lord First then my Husband
then me then our children .. as scripture tells us.
ok so enough of that.... i really am not sure
what more You would like to know right off so E-mail me if it pleases
You Sir and feel free to ask me what You wish.
talk to You soon i hope,
mischief^
===========
In a message dated 2/5/99 2:25:59 AM, mischief^
writes:
<< hello again Sir ;)
mischief here..and i just missed You tonite on dalnet. i wish i wouldn't
have too because i think that You might of been more than a little help.
My Hubby brought up a new level of our relationship and we questioned
a Dom about it, but He was unsatisfied with the answer... Outside of
sex, to apply D/s to our everyday life, how does one go about it?
========================
mischief,
To develop the Dominant / submissive relationship
might seem to just follow some textbook ideas. Give yourself over to
the one you wish to serve. But it is never quite so simple. Couples
that begin in a long term or life relationship.. or even more difficult,
have a relationship and have opted to modify it to include D/s,... have
a lot to do before they "find the groove" of it all.
Consider if you will the way people meet in this
way. Perhaps they talk find they are like minded or curious. Maybe they
saw each other play and think there might be a good synergy. So they
try a scene. A Spanking or a waxing or some such introductory level.
The submissive might be "bottoming" at first. Not really giving
over much control. They talk ALOT about what will and can happen and
perhaps what cannot happen. (not exactly the swashbuckling pirate that
swoops the damsel up into his private lair and uses her to her ecstatic
fear and pleasure)
So the scene goes well and they couple plays
more. blindfold perhaps and trust building. The bottom feels a closer
trust and begins to permit the Dom latitude in what may be explored.
The bottom may decide to let go of control in the scenes giving him
or herself over to the Dom still within the confines of good negotiation
and safewords. At this point the bottom has begun to explore submission.
Really giving them self over. It become a Power Exchange.
So here we are looking at all the dynamics of
what that entails. What will and will not be included? Emotionally..
Spiritually Physically. How deep is the trust to go. How will the sub
be tested in devotion and dedication? What are hard limits what are
soft ones. When is D/s role play appropriate and when does vanilla world
prevail. All these definitions are what each couple must explore individually.
But wait! There is more!
A couple that has played to together in D/s for
some time may make the decision to go to Master and Slave at some point.
All of the rough places ( or most o f them) have been explored by now.
the mines in the emotional mine fields have been discovered and dealt
with. Now the trust is at an intimate level. This is not to be confused
with the infatuation that new couples have.. this is more a tried and
true trust. You KNOW he/she knows and respects those places you cannot
go and he/she is content with those edges and need not push the ones
you cannot visit and DOES know to push those you COULD or DO need to
expand. (Sometimes even when you are not sure about it.)
This is when the safewords may disappear for
some relationships. Many aspire to this level Master / Slave. You trust
HIS/HER ability to never harm you and always be responsible. Long term
real life couples you may meet often are at this stage whether they
formally acknowledge it or not.
Unfortunately many couple of a much more recent
vintage PUSH or TRY to reach this level rather than allowing it to just
come to them. Perhaps they read a Gor novel or have some yearning in
their heart they have not ever understood.. So they jump in with both
feet before checking the water. Other see the world of contracts and
collars as the pinnacle of D/s , as if a collar or contract means you
have reached the peak. COLLARS and CONTRACTS are the devices of many
of these attempts. The truth is.... if a submissive dedicates him or
herself to another there is really no hardware or contract required.
A contract is used to help a couple remember
their plan and agreements to each other. It might help to resolve a
difference or keep things on course. Contracts should be revisited often
as the couple grows ( If they are used at all.) The collar is a symbol
of a relationship.. not the binding agent. Contracts and Collars are
parts of the tradition of the leather and BDSM community. Traditions
should not be discarded easily... but the way collars are bandied about
online and in suburban lingerie shops, well, they appear to be more
of the toys. They become the instruments of folks wanting to dabble
at the lifestyle, like one becomes the character of their Halloween
costume ,or try on hats at a store. The difference is there are people's
feelings and trust involved and that should never be taken lightly.
A new submissive doesn't know how to tell if a guy or gal that has a
wicked crop a smooth style and a collar to offer.. really would stay
in a burning building to unbind them should the worst happen. Those
of us in the online chat circuits can find a broken heart and mangled
fantasy every night of the week without looking hard.
So the Contract DOES offer some measure of commitment
until the canyon of trust has been crossed.
However I have digressed. In your situation,
if you wish to explore D/s without sex..... your Master might decide
to refuse sex for two weeks for example. Perhaps you do enjoy climax
and titillation And can that interferes with the deeper role redefinitions
you aspire to. So he can use sex as the reward for your submission and
efforts to please him going successfully.
Managing 3 submissives I do not generally punish
them when thing s go wrong. They garner more of my attention when they
comply and learn to anticipate my needs and they garner Less of my attention
when they have attitudes or blow up problems into mountains when they
should just hand the issue over to me to resolve.
What pleases Master? take care of it. IF you
do not know... Ask him. Each day. What would please you Master this
day. If you only get sexual responses than the shortcoming is not yours.
I actually have to work at deciding what I would like accomplished and
which submissive would be best suited or has earned the right to accomplish
each task. From a Top perspective that takes some thinking and consideration.
Recently I was saddled with cleaning up household files and preparing
the house for a play party all while hosting an out of town submissive.
Each was given an area to work on,the yard, the
kitchen, the filing cabinet, even the guest was permitted to serve.
By the end of the week the home looked like a magazine and the party
was great. I had to do the thinking and overall planning ( and hang
the eye hooks and torture devices), but they decided much of what to
serve and how things should go. My submissives worked hard to please
and we ALL enjoyed the fruits of the labor.
As a submissive, regularly asking your Dominant
how you may please him.. forces him into remembering those things that
have been nagging him but he never gets done. Or frees him to work on
those things you don't have the skills to do. Just live to serve. Feel
it in your heart and let him know you are at his beck and call and need
to serve and please to live. (I wonder if this answers your question
at all)
======
What tips, hints, suggestions, would an experienced
Dom give? i did a bit of looking tonite on Your page... i must admit
i am really impressed again, i read the thoughts on alcohol/drugs in
D/s and totally agree. But i did not see anything as of yet on D/s daily
...now we don't mean hardcore 24/7 that is a little unrealistic for
us. Especially since we don't want everyone knowing what we do that
way. But ???
ok i will give an example and maybe that will
help me to explain ..say we are at a friends visiting... without having
to snap his fingers *which is a thing we do at home as a kind of cute
ahem ;)* as that would draw attention by all present.. what would be
done? say my behavior is unsatisfactory at present...and He wishes to
get my attention without looking the fool... yet being noticed as commanding
presence? Here is why we ask... after visiting with friends the other
day a woman (he had just met) commented to Him ... shheeeesh you are
domineering and bossy... and her nephew (who is a friend of hubby's
) laughed yeah you know who wears the pants in their house. He tends
to come off a lil more bossy then in control if that makes sense...
although the same friend also asked Him how do you two do it? how come
your marriage works so well... and my Hubby just told him you wouldn't
believe me if i told you ...then made a joke to change the subject.
so to some degree yes we want it to be noticed just not focused on if
that makes sense. please forgive me i am a little more tired than normal
today has been a long day
:P so i hope i didn't ramble too badly lol
==========
I have two daughters here... and the 12 year
old knows just a bit about role play and the D/s scene. When children
are present we do not speak of sexuality but I am still referred to
as Sir and people still work to please me. Serving is not anything to
hide or be ashamed of. IF your Dom enjoys spectacle and showing off
he is in charge,,, well perhaps he is insecure about it or perhaps he
is an exhibitionist. If he is the latter... then you should arrange
to connect to others in your area that have a lifestyle community set
up. Here in Houston we have several wonderful exhibitionists. they are
awesome to watch. We also have some that are rarely invited to private
functions because they cannot turn it off. They cannot be in D/s mode
unless they are the center of attention.
Being a Dominant means taking responsibility.
Totally. For both of you. Being a submissive means anticipating need.
Sir's glass is low and the ice is melting. Take care of it without a
word. You see him sitting down with a big sigh after a hard day. Kneel
and request if you may take his shoes off and rub his feet. learn HIS
nuances and pleasures. IN the course of doing so you may stumble or
he may tell you the things that do not please him so you need not waste
time going through needless motions.
A word to the wise on the Dom side.... Never
DEMAND service. I have been known in a house full of people willing
to serve me... to get up and get my own drink, snack medication <insert
fetched item here> whatever. Because I will not yell through the
house or no one heard my request or knew or thought to get me the item.
Often there is a flurry of concern that I had to get my own whatever.
But I always believe that submission is service GIVEN not DEMANDED.
I am not a cripple and to have service at all should be savored at each
turn. Love and respect the one who gives them self to you. YOU cannot
praise one who serves enough.. for THAT is what they require in return.
It is the place most Dom wanna be's always stumble and fail. Discounting
the human being and his or her feelings. Being a Dom is work hard work.
It isn't like sitting on a throne like a sultan.
An amusing aside... one of my submissives does
not live in the home. So early in our meetings she spoke of how nice
she imagined my home life was always being fed grapes and such. One
weekend she visited and saw 24 hours in my life. Not a single damn grape
and a lot of complex issues being brought to my feet to be resolved.
Sure I get back rubs and feet rubs comfy pillows and my contact lens
case brought to me and my car fueled up and bag prepared and lots of
leisure things if this is the list you seek.... but the truth is submissive
efforts work to really free me from the mundane and mindless tasks so
I can address the deeper issues. Financial decisions emotional needs,
D/s play and even sex are better when the burdens are lifted.
So what is the difference between a housewife
and a submissive? Well for one the motivation for doing it all. It isn't
a marriage contract or a socially accepted vow that binds you to service.
It is a deep trust and commitment you make to please and be recognized
for your service and skills.
It will take you and hubby a while to work it
all out. As for the bullyishness demonstrated in vanilla events... well
A guy can sit in a trailer park in his lawn chair and bark "get
me a beer!" or a guy can attend his boss's wifes' dinner party
and say "hon, would you get me a glass of wine please"
Each is making a need known. each will be served.
and each will feel king of his castle. the only difference is style
and grace. The man who knows he is blessed and has a treasure will treat
her so with no cost to his Domliness or appearance as such. Another
way to put it.. Humiliation doesn't play in the vanilla world. Don't
do it or you will not long have a vanilla world to visit.
How can you know how to communicate non-verbally?
Go rent "The Sting" with Robert Redford and Paul Newman. When
I scene and pull someone down from the chains I look at a submissive
across the room who jumps up goes right to the special pouch on the
outside of my toy bag and brings a piece of bunny fur over and starts
stroking the tender places while I hold the girl. A glance at yet another
submissive in the audience and a small gesture like a drinking glass
with my hand and I point to my subject and the second sub is off getting
her a glass of water. My subject only knows that fur and water appear.
Not that I am orchestrating it all. You train to hand signals and you
work with people who pay close attention. In your case work out the
signals and train with them.
I wish you both the best and I enjoy your freshness
honesty and frankness. Nope you didn't ramble on... I did! lol
Hope you both find my 2¢ worth while.
Bad^
-------------
i will search Your site more i am enjoying it immensely..it is by far
one of the best i have run across so far...put it this way... so far
i have gone deeper into Your pages than i have any other i have been
to. and i'm not just blowing smoke either. You may use whatever You
find helpful in my last letter i do not mind...and if You put an E-mail
link i only ask that You make it to Kementari@hotmail.com as i and Sir
wouldn't wish our friends should they happen to run across it to know
it is us for privacy reasons ;)
have a wonderful day Sir and i hope to talk to
You soon :)
mischief^
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